brb crying

043: PMDD, queen charlotte, & being loved through it all

• nins & arns

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0:00 | 57:43

Nins & Arns choose each other's stories in this special throwback episode. Arns chooses ep 003: periods are hard, where Nins shares her struggles with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). Nins chooses ep 011: a bridgerton (sob) story, where Arns reminds us that love is a choice through Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.

Content warning: depression, mental illness

  • 0:00 - Preview
  • 0:36 - Intro
  • 2:17 - Apple Podcasts Canada feature!
  • 3:14 - Today's throwback format
  • 3:49 - Nins: PMDD
  • 33:16 - Arns: Queen Charlotte
  • 55:27 - Outro

Referenced in this episode:

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brb crying—hosted by longtime best friends Nins & Arns—is a podcast where we explore the songs, books, TV shows, films, pop culture moments, and personal stories that help us laugh, cry, heal, and feel a little less alone. Crying is our superpower, and by sharing what makes us cry in a way that makes us laugh, we show how crying helps us connect with ourselves and each other.

Preview

SPEAKER_05

We're so excited to be featured on Apple Podcasts in Canada under New Shows. Woohoo! Thank you to all of our new Canadian listeners. We love Canada. We love Canada. It's always been my favorite. I always say this. This fucking episode, I swear to God, when people see me in real life, they always mention this one.

SPEAKER_00

No way. I swear. You did not go over the wall. I did not go over the wall. I love you.

SPEAKER_04

You know what? Yeah, it still gets me. Still fucking gets me. From the mob.

Intro

SPEAKER_07

This is BRB Crying.

SPEAKER_05

Hello everyone, and welcome back to BRB Crying. I'm Arns. And I'm Ninz.

SPEAKER_07

And you have just pressed play on this True Cry podcast.

SPEAKER_06

I like that. It's cute, right?

SPEAKER_07

That's cute. Yeah. Welcome to our True Cry comedy podcast, where the two of us unearth case after case. Yeah. Keep going. Of our cries. Love it. We are two best friends who tell each other every other week what it is that made them cry this time.

SPEAKER_05

So thanks for listening in. Yes, if you're new here, welcome. If you're old here, welcome back, Cry Baby. We're so happy to have you. And also, quick plug: if you have not yet followed us on socials, we are at beerbecrying.podcast. Send us your sob stories. You can email us, hit us up on our website. All of that information is in the show notes.

SPEAKER_07

We love hearing from you. Yeah. We're trying to get all of that stuff out of the way so that we can dive into our content. But please, we are an indie pod. Any sort of engagement that you can offer us is huge to us. I need it, actually. So self-worth and all that.

Apple Podcasts Canada feature!

SPEAKER_07

And I think this is a good segue to say hello to all of our new listeners across the border.

SPEAKER_05

Hello, Canadian listeners. If you don't follow us on socials, we've been blasting that shit all over. We're so excited to be featured on Apple Podcasts in Canada under New Shows.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you, Apple Podcasts. Thank you to all of our new Canadian listeners. We love you already.

SPEAKER_05

We love Canada. We love Canada. It's always been my favorite. I always say this at the beginning of every episode. Yeah. Canadians, favorite people, Canada, my favorite country. So thank you, truly, truly, thank you so much to everyone who has been tuning in. We love you guys. Yes.

SPEAKER_07

We are so happy you're here. We hope that you've been enjoying our content. So excited to have found our way to you.

SPEAKER_08

Mm-hmm.

Today's throwback format

SPEAKER_05

But that leads us to today's content. Today we are doing a very special throwback episode, except we're not just choosing any old episode. Ninz and I are choosing each other's segment to share, and we don't yet know which ones will be shared.

SPEAKER_07

So who will go first? I think you will recommend my stories. Yes. Right? I will. Okay. Okay. Okay. Here we go. All right. Okay.

Nins: PMDD

SPEAKER_07

Which one are you going to recommend? Every story that I do is good. So this must have been really hard for you to Yeah, it really was.

SPEAKER_05

Except at the same time, I knew exactly, as soon as you mentioned this idea, I knew exactly which one I wanted. Yeah. Oh. Okay. So today, Ninz is going to be resharing her segment from episode three. Periods are hard. Yes. This fucking episode, I swear to God, when people see me in real life, they always mention this one. No, wait. It's happened so many times. People are like, okay, so first, sorry, uh, context. So in this episode, Ninz talks about her struggles with premenstrual dysphoric disorder. PMDD. PMDD. And the reason why I chose this is because, again, every single time I run into someone in real life who's a fan, they talk about this episode because so many people are like, I didn't know there was a term for what I was experiencing. So this has been such an eye-opening episode. And because we especially have so many new listeners from all over the world, I want to resurface this because not everyone will listen from the beginning. But I feel like this has such important information. And also I love how it shows how from the very beginning we have been trying to be really open and vulnerable about sharing our experiences. Not just the good, but also, you know, the challenging parts. So yeah, I hope if you listen to this for the first time and you realize it's something that you are going through, I hope this makes you feel even a little bit less alone.

SPEAKER_07

Wow. Thank I f I'm gonna cry. Curious. Wow, I didn't think you were gonna pick that one. Oh, what did you I mean, like I I really had no idea which one you were gonna pick, but I'm really grateful that people are responding to that in the way that they are. I'm happy to bring that back up. Um honestly, I I've said this so many times whenever I talk about that episode. I was fucking terrified after we recorded. Because that was like episode three. I was so like unused to this whole process, and I felt like I was so naked and I didn't necessarily know how to craft my stories in the way that I was comfortable. So a lot of it was me just like going off the cuff. But maybe, maybe that's why it resonated with people because of how real it was. I think so. Um yeah, thanks, Arns, for bringing that up again. I hope that if any of you that are listening go through something similar, you find some solace in it.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_07

Enjoy. Is that our trend? I think so, yeah. Because, like you said, I did not cry in soul. Yeah. But the second leg of my trip. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hawaii. Ooh. Oh well, there were actually three cries in those five days. Wow, okay. The first one was because I finished a book, which I told you about.

SPEAKER_06

You mean the one that you're yeah, the one you were like, you need to read this. I'm gonna buy this for you now. Show up on my doorstep the next day. Can you read it for the week? It's only 300 pages. 300 pages? But it's microscopic.

SPEAKER_07

Oh, but it's so good. But anyway, um, we will probably cover that in a future episode. So if you want to uh get your homework done early, read The Wishing Game. The Wishing Game by Meg Schaefer. By Meg Schaefer. Really good book. And we will for sure be covering it at some point on the pod. So if you want to know what the fuck we're talking about, get to it. Um, and then the second cry was just because I went to a wedding. Oh yeah. And I'm always crying at wedding. I don't think I've ever gone to a wedding where I did not cry.

SPEAKER_04

Me too.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. Uh we both went to a wedding actually during this time. Yes, we did. Yes. Both cried at these weddings. Okay, great. Yeah. I just I fucking love a wedding. Yeah. Uh those are always very joyful, happy tears. Yeah. But my last cry. And that's what you're talking about today? My last cry is what I'll be talking about today. And this cry was a sad cry. It was a very sad cry. And the cry level was like seven, eight. Oh. Yeah. I know, I know. I'm sorry. We had to do it at some point. You're not sorry though. No, I'm not sorry. Um, we had to do it at some point. But yeah. What I'm gonna be sharing is going to be very vulnerable, but I think that it will resonate with hopefully people, because this is not a side that we talk about ever. Um, so today I'm gonna be talking about my experience with PMDD. What's PMDD? Oh my god, you don't know. You wait, you don't know what PMDD is? Like what the hell? Um, PMDD is pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder. And I think we've all, we obviously all know what PMS is. And it's just basically, it stands for premenstrual syndrome, and it's when a person who menstruates their body is basically preparing for this cycle, and the hormones in their body are spiking and lowering, and there's a lot of imbalances in the body. There's irritability, there's food cravings, there's bloating, there's all of this stuff and mood swings that happen during this phase. And for people who have PMDD, these symptoms are every month and they are so severe that they hinder you being able to function normally. And um for me, the worst parts of my PMDD are these very, very intense bouts of depression. Just like really, really heavy. And I didn't really even know that PMDD was a thing. I just happened to be scrolling on Twitter one day and some person was talking about it and was like, this affects 10% of women, which I think, whoa, 10%? That honestly sounds low to me. I mean, these, okay, so I'm gonna be sharing some sources from like the Cleveland Clinic, the Hopkins Medicine Journal, the Mayo Clinic. And yeah, it says 8 to 10% of people who menstruate could potentially have this. But what frustrates me about it is that, like, what if I wasn't on Twitter that day and I didn't learn about this, and I just never heard that this was a thing. Yeah. Then I would just continue my whole life thinking, oh, I just have PMS. And I don't know, I just feel like there is just not enough education on women's health. And it's it's like a it's like a taboo. Yeah. You know? We get our periods when we're in middle school and you have to keep it a secret. Like the biggest shame is like bleeding through.

SPEAKER_05

Like I still feel that shame sometimes. I literally like two nights ago, I told Joe and I'm like, sorry, I there's blood all over the sheets. And it was like I was apologizing.

SPEAKER_07

Right. You know. And there's just a lot of discomfort that literally half the people on earth experience once a month. And we kind of just have to pretend that we're okay. There's a lot of masking, yes, right? Like the ideal situation is that you would never know that I'm going through this. Because in our society, you just have to act like you're fine. Yeah. You are totally comfortable, everything's great. Because it makes other people uncomfortable, right? Exactly. Supposedly. Yeah. So um, I'm not a doctor. Did you know that? Wait, what? So I know that I was talking about a lot of like medical things, and if any of this resonates with you, obviously go to your physician and see what they think because I am a professional crier, not a professional doctor.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yes. Ooh, professional crier.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. I read about it, I think this was like probably 2020, where I didn't have anything else to do. So I was just on my phone constantly. And I learned about this, and I visited my gynecologist and we talked about this. And it's like we were talking about like how to treat it. And there really isn't much that you can do. One of the options was taking antidepressants every two weeks, or like the two weeks before your period. Okay. And your body takes three months to even get used to it. And my cycle isn't necessarily exactly regular. So how am I supposed to know? The two weeks before. Yeah. So it's just like it didn't make sense for me to consider that route. And I will say that now that I am aware of this, there's a lot of holistic things that I do to try to mitigate the intensity of it. So having my routine is really important. Eating certain foods during this time is really important. Like what foods? Like a lot of like fibrous foods, a lot of like leafy greens and things like that. But uh I was on vacation. So I was completely in a new environment and I was in Seoul, so I was eating whatever the fuck. Uh I'm gonna eat everything when I'm on vacation. I don't care.

SPEAKER_04

Sorry, I can only have leafy greens here in Seoul.

SPEAKER_07

Can you imagine? To use you. I'm not gonna do that. So yeah, I, you know, I was choosing to just enjoy the moment, and it also has been a pretty long time since I've had a really intense bout. My husband and I call them bouts. Yes. Just because I work from home most of the time, and when they happen, I'm usually in a safe space. And I'm I can just like sleep it off or whatever. I can just stay at home. But honestly, they can happen at any time. And for this particular case, I was on vacation when it happened. And so this was the very last full day of our trip. We were, it was Sunday night. We were gonna fly home from Hawaii on Monday. And the whole trip, I just I have to say, I fucking loved every second of this vacation. I just loved it so much. Like Seoul was amazing. Our time in Hawaii was amazing. Like seeing my college friends get married, like, oh, what a joy. Yeah. But the exhaustion did catch up to me. Yeah. And, you know, weddings are such social events that, you know, your battery is kind of drained at the end of the night. So on Sunday, which was our last day, you know, I I think everyone wants to approach the last day of their vacation of like, oh, let's not waste it. We go home tomorrow, back to reality, like let's live it up, you know. So my husband and I, we had reservations for dinner. We go to dinner, and I'm realizing that my mood is starting to get a little low. And I'm getting like a little bit irritable, but still I'm just kind of chalking it up to like my husband is the only person I've talked to in 15 days. So I still enjoyed the dinner and we drove there and then we headed back to the main strip of Waikiki, which is where our hotel was. And, you know, we had plans for the evening. They the couple that got married was actually hosting like a happy hour, and then we wanted to go, you know, just walk downtown and just just walk around, you know, just enjoy the last evening. Yes, stroll. Um the word in Psychologist Pashal. Pashal, pashall. So I could already tell that something was happening, but I was, you know, trying to act like I was okay, putting on this brave face, right? And we get back to the hotel and we drop off the car rental at the lobby. And then I actually ask my husband if we can just go straight to walking around Waikiki. And he was like, Well, can we just go back up to the room really quick because I need to like use ration, whatever. And in my mind, I was thinking to myself, like very quickly, I was already hesitant to go back to the room because I knew that the moment that I closed the door, I would allow myself, I would finally feel comfortable enough to just let it drain me. Yeah. And I didn't really want to like argue, so I was like, okay, that's fine. We can go up to the room. And we go up to the room, and he goes to the restroom, and I sit down on the bed, and I just I feel it. Yeah. I think that like if I try to describe what it feels like after the pandemic, I think this generation is a lot more comfortable talking about mental health and it feels like a safer space to share the side of you, but in the same vein, it's talked about so much that I find that the word depression is we've kind of just replaced that with the word sadness. It's like, yeah, oh my god, that movie was so depressing. Like God, I was so depressed after reading that book. And you know, I'm guilty of it. Very casually turned around. I 100% do that all the time. Yeah. But the thing is that when I get to these places where this PMDD hits me and depression hits me, it is it is a sadness that is like all consuming. Like I I become paralyzed in my sadness. I can't move. I can't talk. And it's ironic because even though I can't physically say anything, it's like the thoughts in my head are on a microphone and it's so loud, and the thoughts are racing, and my body is just very like overstimulated. And it's kind of like I become inert. It's like you know, like the objects in motion stay in motion, objects that are at rest, like they're not fucking moving. That's how I felt. I think that's why I didn't want to go back up to the room. Yeah. Because if I just kept going, I could continue it.

SPEAKER_02

But the moment that I was like in that hotel room, just like on the bed, I was like, I I don't know that I can get back up.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah, it's just it's such a frustrating feeling because it's like uh I I know what's physically happening in my head.

SPEAKER_02

I know that.

SPEAKER_07

It's a chemical imbalance. I know that the serotonin levels have just dropped. But it feels like you're you're not in control of your body. And I think that with emotions, especially for women, it's like you are trained to always be in control of it. Like, do not be reactive, do not make a scene, do not show that you are anything but perfectly fine. So I obviously I tell my husband, he knows that it's happening, and he's an angel and he helps me with this all the time.

SPEAKER_02

And there is kind of a routine where if it happens when I'm at home, he just kind of like lays with me.

SPEAKER_07

But because it was the last night of our vacation, I didn't want to disappoint him. So I I could tell that he would have still wanted to walk around or do something that evening if we could help it. So I'm like, okay, let me try to do this. Let me get up and let's walk around. Maybe, maybe the walk will be better because you fucking you talk to your therapist and they're like, you know, if you're feeling depressed, go for a walk. Like that'll cure it. You know? Yeah. Just get in the sun. A little vitamin D. That's what you need. Yeah. So doctor's orders. I went outside. And um I mean, I I was not supposed to be on the walk. Like I was just kind of a shell of myself. And we were walking on the sidewalk, and you know, there's a road right there, and there's a car that's stopped at a light. This top is down. This guy's like drop top, cruising the street. Oh, 100%. And the universe, I think, was like, what is the most annoying song that we could play in this moment? That this guy like rolled his volume all the way up to max, like obviously just wanting to make a scene because it was the main strip of Waikiki and he was had a red light. It was the song that's um, uh, me so can you imagine being in the depths of depression?

SPEAKER_06

Like someone was really like, mm-hmm. Okay, can I just say I didn't think that's where this was going. I was I was racking my brain. I was like, in my head, I was like, can I guess it? Can I guess it the most obnoxious song? Oh my god. He was talking like, damn, I'm I'm so cool right now. Shit. Laughing now was not laughing then.

SPEAKER_07

No. Um, so shortly after that, my husband's like, okay, I I don't know that this is helping. Let's let's go back.

SPEAKER_06

He wanted to wait for the song to finish though, and then he was like, all right.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. So when we got back to the hotel room, I sat back on the bed. And yeah, I kind of just asked my husband if he could help me get ready for bed.

SPEAKER_02

And literally, like, can you help me take off my makeup? Can you help me brush my teeth? And can you help me get into pajamas? And he so gently helped me do this. And I was kind of like having like an out-of-body experience where it was like I was watching him change me, change my clothes, and my immediate thought was oh my god, Angela, like get your shit together and just change yourself. You're being traumatic, you're being ridiculous, you're being unreasonable, and you're just acting out. And then once we had finally settled into bed, I was thinking about how again, like God, I'm being ridiculous.

SPEAKER_07

Like, just fucking get over this and don't make your husband do all this stupid shit. And this is where I started crying. This is when after all of this darkness, I was overcome with tears. Like we were just lying in bed at this point, and I just was sobbing because on one hand, I was thinking that, God, like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, this is dumb, what you're doing right now.

SPEAKER_02

And then on the other hand, it was why do I have to deny myself at this moment where I am not in control of what I'm feeling?

SPEAKER_07

Why is my mind automatically trying to make excuses, minimize my pain? Because we're always conditioned to not be difficult. Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So yeah, it was a really heavy, heavy evening.

SPEAKER_07

And I don't know that I have really anything insightful to add. I think it's really just me sharing that I know that I'm not the only one that feels these bouts of depression or has instability with their mental health. And even if you scientifically know what's happening, it doesn't really make it easier because you still feel so out of control.

SPEAKER_02

But if I can provide anyone comfort by knowing that, hey, at least you're not alone in that.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. I don't know. Hopefully that is one small positive. Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Thank you for sharing and giving all that context too, because I didn't know about PMDD until you first shared with me everything you were going through. Because that's not something that I've experienced. But 10% of people that menstruate experiencing this, and possibly more. That's a lot.

SPEAKER_07

Because who knows about this even. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the part that frustrates me. It's that many people may have it and they just think, oh no, that's just normal. Yeah. That's just what I have to go through every month. And yes. It's frustrating because even though I know that it's not normal, there's not really a lot that can be done.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07

Like even if I am really good with my diet and my routine, they still happen, just maybe not as intensely. Yeah. But it's just something that we have to live with. But yeah, I just I think that's the part that really made me very emotional in that moment because even as we are venturing out to do this podcast and have these conversations where we are leaning into the emotions and we're leaning into being comfortable with the vulnerability. It's like my brain is still wired to think, no, get a hold of yourself. You know?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. It's like, why? But I mean, you that's a lifetime of unlearning, right? Yeah. We all have to do. Yeah. And not to detract from the severity of everything that you go through monthly when you do have these bouts. But when you said silver lining or small positive, the first thing that jumped to me, or also when you were saying that your mind was you were lying there and you were thinking about these two things, like get a hold of yourself and my thoughts jumped to thank God you have someone that can take care of you and support you and carry you through those moments because there are people out there who are going through this alone, and it may not ease the symptoms that you're feeling, but to have someone be able to brush your teeth for you and do that for you when you can't do it yourself. I'm grateful to Lou that he can be that support for you. I'm grateful that you you have that support when you go through that. You have someone who is familiar with it and can help help you regulate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Because I can't I can't imagine I can't imagine doing that alone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

You're not alone. Yeah. Period, you're not alone. Period. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_06

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_07

Oh god. Yeah. I felt really heavy. It feels very scary to talk about that so openly and just share a moment that is very unglamorous because I'm on vacation, so you're gonna see all my fucking fun ass IG stories and whatever. But yeah, everything's fake. Everything's fake. Nothing's real. Nothing's real. No. You know? Well, thank you for sharing. That's a hard thing to go through. It is a very hard thing to go through. Period.

SPEAKER_00

Period.

Arns: Queen Charlotte

SPEAKER_07

Okay. I went in a different direction. Okay. I did not pick a personal story from you today. Instead, what I did was I picked something that was of current interest to me. Because guess what, everyone? Season four, Bridgerton is back. I didn't even watch season three yet. I didn't watch season three either. Okay. So, okay. Pretty big giveaway. But today I want to reshare episode 11. Arns is coverage of Queen Charlotte. That was 11? That was 11.

SPEAKER_06

Oh my God. Is that crazy?

SPEAKER_07

I thought it was way later. Yeah. Episode 11, Queen Charlotte, a Britcherton sob story. Was your story that week? And when you had first covered that story, I had not seen it. So I was just going in blind, just listening to your little thing, watching a few segments. And even then, I was already really intrigued. And then I've since watched it on my own. Shout out again, Corey Mill Creest. Shout out. You're still doing it for me, babe. So any excuse to have him on your screen, please take it. But yeah, I also think that what you said about the relationship between Queen Charlotte and King George is something that is really, really relevant to next week's episode for me and my story. And um yeah, I just think that love is always going to be an act of choice, and you're never going to have it right all of the time. And um it's just a nice reminder. So enjoy. Cool.

SPEAKER_05

I'm gonna be honest, that was a while ago. It was a while ago. That was like, I don't know, a year and a half ago. I really don't remember very much. I don't remember what I said. I just remember how it made me feel. That's that's kind of how I feel about it. But yeah. I love that. Love the timeliness of it. Well, like she said, it's a good episode. It's a good series. I just remember I was like, I have to show her the fucking end scene, which is a crazy thing that I showed you the very end. Oh, I've done it before. But I I I think about that scene.

SPEAKER_06

And I know Terran Delaney Smith, you resent me a reel of her talking about that end scene, and you're like, are you fucking kidding me? And I yeah, like, what was it?

SPEAKER_00

You did not go over the wall. I did not go over the wall.

SPEAKER_08

I love you!

SPEAKER_04

You know what? Yeah, it still gets me. Still fucking gets me. From the It's so good!

SPEAKER_05

But yeah, enjoy cry babies. Okay, so we are going to exit. Hard pivot. Hard pivot. We are going to jump into 18th century London High Society. Because today we are talking about a little mini-series you may have heard of called Queen Charlotte, a Bridgerton Story.

SPEAKER_07

Have you watched this? I have not. I watched the first season of Bridgerton.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_07

But I have not been able to keep up.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_07

All right.

SPEAKER_05

Well then don't worry. That's why I'm here. All right. Oh, you did not say your cry level for Oh, you're right.

SPEAKER_07

Ah, I've been forgetting to do that. Um, okay, so in the moment, I was like, I'm not gonna cry in front of this man. So I held it. Yeah, I held it in. But it was like a two, three. Okay.

SPEAKER_05

You know. Alright. Okay. Um, I think that this one was one part was a two. Okay. And then there's another part that was like a six or a seven. Ooh. Yes. Okay. So yeah, I mean, I figure audience members will be split between, yeah, I fuck with Bridgerton and no, I will never watch that. Okay, Alitus. Yeah. Please. Cheese. You're just better than everyone, I guess. Um, so I'm gonna give some loose backstory. Of course. So the Bridgerton Universe is based on the Regency romance novels by Julia Quinn. Basically, that means they're smut-filled period pieces. And they were made into a Netflix original series. And did you read them? I did not read them. Okay. I probably never will. Okay. That's fair. My mom has read them. Oh, okay.

unknown

Hmm.

SPEAKER_05

Anyway, um, we'll revisit that later. Maybe let's cut that out. Okay, so um so the Bridgerton family is this fictionalized, wealthy London high society family. It's 19th century because it's the 1800s, which is very confusing, but I went to school. Okay, elitist. I went to school, so I know what 19th century means. Um Season one came out in December 2020. It's about the eldest daughter of the Bridgerton family, Daphne, and she's coming out on the market as looking for a husband. It's a it's a pretty solid, you know, fake relationship, enemies to lovers, you know. Every trope that I love. Oh.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. Okay. Can I just say I fucking love a fake dating trope. Oh, yes. My absolute favorite. Send them my way. Please. Yeah. My favorite.

SPEAKER_05

It doesn't. Is that your favorite? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. I also weirdly like the I don't know what this is called, but like you find out that the family is like insanely wealthy of the person that you're dating. I don't know what it is about it. Maybe because I'm like, it's not my life. So like, anyway, I did watch season one in one sitting. You did? Yeah. Really? I did. Wow. Uh season two came out March 2022. It's about the eldest brother, Anthony. And he's betrothed to one girl in love with her sister. I watched this one. My youngest sister forced me to watch it after she graduated from college. We were sitting in the room together. Yeah. Door closed, obviously, because you know, we're watching this kind of dicey thing. Uh, she had COVID and we didn't. Oh no. Yeah, so that was like really cool. Yeah. And season three just came out in 2024, but I haven't watched it yet. But anyway, so Queen Charlotte came out last year, actually, 2023. So I'm a little late to this party, but for some weird reason, so many people around me, just in the past few weeks, were like, you gotta watch Queen Charlotte. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. But the person who made me really want to watch it was my cousin, Angelica. Uh-huh. Shout out Jelly Pie. Once we launched the pod and we're asking people for recommendations, she was like, please, please watch Queen Charlotte. Really? She was like, Yeah, it's by far my favorite season. Okay. It's only six hour-long episodes, so it's really quick.

SPEAKER_07

That is pretty quick, actually. Relatively quick.

SPEAKER_05

But anyway, obviously, spoiler alert. If you're like me, you don't want to know shit about anything, just stop. Come back to this. I'm going to be offering loose plot points, but since it's a prequel, if you've watched the other seasons, you know kind of how the present-day relationship is. So if anything, I'm spoiling the unfolding of the story. So another piece of backstory that is important if you haven't watched any other Bridgeton seasons is that we're introduced to Queen Charlotte in present day, an elder Queen Charlotte, and she leads the ton. And she leads the what? The ton. The ton. It's like the fucking high society. I've been fucking talking in a British accent for like the past time. The ton? The ton. The T-O-N. The ton.

SPEAKER_07

Okay, I don't know what that is, but I'll gather it from the context, please. I also went to school, okay? Okay.

SPEAKER_05

So So Queen Charlotte is the one who's obviously leading. You don't really see much of the king, basically. And when you do see him, you can discern that he's unfit to rule mentally. He has some sort of mental illness that is not disclosed. But in those few scenes, you can see that this cold-hearted, stone-faced queen has this huge soft spot for her husband. Obviously, they don't get into it until this season. So the young Queen Charlotte was played by India Amarttifio, and she is betrothed to King George III, played by Corey Milchriest, and she's sharp, well read, and so she's carted off from Germany to London to marry this king. And when she arrives, the king's mother is played by Catelyn Stark. Oh yeah, Catelyn Stark isn't it so weird. But the king's mother is shocked to find that Charlotte is biracial. And they decide to try and control the narrative by being like, that's what we meant. We're trying to desegregate society. I think their first time more explicitly addressing racism as it was then and now. So I'm gonna lay out a couple scenes for you. Okay. So on her wedding day, this is still the first episode, she keeps asking everyone around her about King George. She's like, what is he like? Is he hot? You know, all of that. Is he smart? And no one is saying anything. And she's like, okay, I'm guessing I'm marrying a fucking troll. And she panics. And she, right before the wedding, runs out to the garden to try and jump over this huge garden wall and escape. But she's stopped by a dashing young man who catches her off guard with his wit, his good looks, and she's like, help me jump over this wall. And he's like, Oh, but but I'm the king, you know, like but that would mean you, you know, you don't want to marry me. And she's like, Oh fuck. And she's apologizing profusely. She calls him Your Majesty, and he cuts her off and he's like, just George. To you, just George. And essentially he kind of leaves it up to her. He's like, I mean, you can go and escape if you want, like, it's your choice. But, you know, I'll be there at the altar waiting. And obviously there's much more to that scene. But they have this whole exchange that basically gives her a little bit of faith in the fact that maybe there could be something here. You know, they have their little banter, and she's like, okay, maybe this isn't as awful as I think it's gonna be. So she shows up at the altar and she marries him. And honestly, they're having like a great time during this wedding. And at the end, they get in their little carriage and he's like, Okay, I have this gift, this surprise for you. They pull up to a palace, and he's like, Here's your palace. And she's like, You mean our palace, right? And he's like, Oh no, no, no, you're gonna live separately from me. And that's kind of like the cliffhanger of episode one, where like she had this idea that it was gonna be great, and suddenly he's like, All right, well, peace, I'm going. She's like, What the fuck? This is our wedding night, this is our honeymoon.

SPEAKER_07

I shaved my legs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Um so then the story kind of unfolds from there, and you find out that he's plagued by some sort of quote-unquote madness. And people now modern day think that it may have been bipolar disorder. By the way, sorry, should have said this is all loosely rooted in fact. This is King George III, like from Hamilton. Okay. You know, anyone who comes in.

SPEAKER_06

Wow, that was great. Same key. Yeah, we did.

SPEAKER_05

We did that. And he really did marry this woman from Germany who supposedly had more blood, which was a blanket term for African descent. Okay. So yeah, a lot of this is actually rooted in history. And so that's why they're able to say he probably had bipolar disorder. And throughout the show, he is undergoing these torturous treatments to try and fix this mental illness, but it's kind of inevitable. There's really nothing that he can do. And he's very much into astronomy and farming, and that's kind of his escape from the pressures of his royal duties. And so when he has these episodes, he will run out into the garden, he'll be completely naked, and he'll be like Venus in transit, and he'll be pointing at the sky, or he'll call himself Farmer George. And he basically sees himself as unlovable. And the story kind of unfolds with Charlotte trying to figure out what it means to be not just his queen, but his partner. Like what is her duty in all this? And a lot of that duty is just accepting him in all that madness. And there's this scene, another scene that I'm going to lay out for you. This is more towards the end. And he was supposed to address Parliament, but he couldn't get out of his carriage. He had a panic attack, couldn't do it. So Charlotte's looking for him, and he's in the bedroom, and he's hiding under the bed. And he says to her, he says he's like hiding from the heavens, like they can't find me here. And he says, You can leave me. I'll understand. You have half a husband, half a life. I cannot give you the future that you deserve. Not a full me, not a full marriage, only half. Half a man, half a king, half a life. And she says, If what we have is half, then we shall make it the very best half. Together we are whole. You are just George. That is who you are. Half king, half farmer, but always just George. That's all you need to be. So that was a little bit more of a poignant scene where you can kind of see like he's starting to finally accept the idea that he could be loved. So fast forward to present-day London. So Queen Charlotte is pressuring her children to bear a royal heir. She's forcing two of her sons to marry, because they have a bunch of illegitimate children, but she's actually making them get married so they can bear a rightful heir. And right before the wedding, one of the sons confides in her, like, what if I don't love her? And she says, Love is not a thing one is able or not able to do based on some magic, some chemistry. Love is determination. Love is a choice one makes. You take someone in marriage and you choose to love them. You do not give yourself any other option because marriage is difficult, full of pains. So you grab someone and you hang on. You love and you love hard because if you do not, you are lost. And obviously, uh not trying to romanticize arranged marriages, but I think that there's a lot of wisdom to be gained from understanding that to love someone is an act of choice. And just having feelings isn't enough to get us through the fucking hard shit. But when we choose to love, we're choosing to communicate and seek each other out instead of pushing each other away. And we're we're choosing to love people for all that they are instead of trying to morph them into this idea of who we think that they should be. And the final scene in the whole show is where I uh kind of became undone.

SPEAKER_07

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

So this is the first time we see present-day elder Queen Charlotte and King George in the same scene. And she's excited to share some news with him. But when she comes into the room, he's having an episode as he spends most of his days now. He's totally in his head, he's drawing all these diagrams on the walls, and she's like, George, George, and he's muttering things to himself. She's not connecting to him. So she crawls under the bed and she calls out to him, uh, just George, farmer George. And uh it's like she's speaking to his heart, and they have this whole conversation, but essentially he says, Charlotte, why hello? And uh he reaches for her hand and they kiss, and at the end of this conversation that they have where after she shares the news, he says, You did not go over the wall. And she's like, No, George, I did not go over the wall. And suddenly it's the older George looking at the younger Charlotte across from him, and then it's the older Charlotte looking at the younger George across from her. And then for this brief moment, they're both young again looking at each other. And I I was I could not breathe. I could feel it like in my chest, in my throat. I was like, Oh my god, it was a lot, and like that's how it fucking ended. But I think it just really got to me because there's this wonder in his voice when he's like, You didn't go over the wall. He's saying, like, you chose me back then and you keep choosing me now, and all these years later, we're still here. And going back to love being a choice, it's this act that we carry out with such intention. And when things get hard, one of those choices that we make is reminding ourselves what it was like, how it used to be and how it used to feel. And even in those dark times, even knowing what lies ahead, we can choose to be playful and light, and we can remember to call each other back and call each other home. And even if it's just in our memory, just looking back on those times, it can be sweet again. So yeah. That's part of why I didn't want to show you the video, because I was like, oh, I will probably become undone again. I don't even think it's necessarily like, oh, we were young, and I mean in our cases it it was quite literally being young again and remembering that time, but I think just remembering to look for that lightness and seek it out.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. Like I mentioned, I only watched the first season of Bridgerton, and that's your classic, like butterflies and all the exciting parts of a courtship and a crush and passion. But it sounds like this season is really about the endurance of love. Yeah. Like what happens after. Totally. What happens behind closed doors, what happens once it's tested. Yeah. And that is an even better story.

SPEAKER_05

Truly. It was definitely heavier than the other seasons because you know how you know what it's like in the present for them. Mm-hmm. But it was a really great story to be told.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. That makes me very sad to know that King George's expectation was that no one was ever going to choose him. And yet when someone does, it transforms him. Yeah. He realizes that he's actually worthy of it, you know? Yeah, that's the whole fucking show. It's f it's that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_05

It's really good. Yeah. Yeah, it's not the oh la dial. Yeah. Dia read us.

SPEAKER_06

There's a little bit of that.

SPEAKER_05

But it's it's definitely a heavier. Which in retrospect, I'm like, wow, all these people around me who were like, you gotta watch it. It's so good. Yeah. I was thinking it would be lighter, but then I think about the people who did recommend it to me. Literally four different people, and I think that they all just kind of get the beauty and the the pain and the suffering and the complexity of it all.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. I'm thinking about how when people are it's like they use the medium as a way to communicate what they can't put into words sometimes. It's like, it's so good, but what are they really saying?

SPEAKER_06

Marriage is really hard. Love endors. There's hope.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You know, babe, send it to us. We'll explain it for you. Yeah. We'll find the words.

SPEAKER_05

We'll find the fucking words. Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. You know, I highly recommend anyone to watch it. Again, quick watch. Yeah. A mere six hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07

Well, here we are. We did it. I know him. That can't be. That made me sad that like we make fun of him in Hamilton.

SPEAKER_05

And that's that's his reputation. Former George. He lost America. Oh.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Complex dude. You know what? Let's stop there. I could cry again. I could fucking cry again.

Outro

SPEAKER_07

So. Wait, I need to wrap these two stories together. Oh, okay. Because now that I realize you picked my periods are hard episode. I realize how similar they are to Queen Charlotte and King George. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_05

Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Like severely relevant. I forgot to say this in my intro because we take mental health so seriously on this podcast. And like being vulnerable and upfront about stuff like that.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

And that's one of the reasons why I love that you shared that because you were so vulnerable in that.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah. But I'm also thinking about how in the throes of our own pain and our own challenges, we just feel so unlovable and feel so unworthy. And how how grateful we should all feel to know that there are people that don't give a fuck about any of that and just want to help us through it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. And they don't give up on us.

SPEAKER_06

We do. We really did that.

SPEAKER_05

We really did. Wow. I'm so impressed with us. God, we're so good at this.

SPEAKER_07

Well, there you have it. There you have it. There is our throwback episode.

SPEAKER_05

We hope you enjoyed that. Again, follow along if you don't yet. Give us a little rating. Share us with your friends and family. And Corey Milcrease. Yeah, share it with him.

SPEAKER_07

Of all people. And that's it. And that's it. That's what we got. That's all we got. See you in two weeks. We will have a fresh new batch of stories for you. Never before heard. Ultra exclusive. But until then, beer bee crying.