brb crying

038: animal communication, emotional healing, & finding yourself again

• nins (angela non) & arns (ariana kempis)

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This week, we explore animal communication, emotional healing, personal growth, and the lifelong process of finding yourself again.

Nins shares the story of an emotional animal communication session with pet psychic Jenny of Bluebird Animal Communication. After years of wondering what her beloved cat Meredith Grey might be thinking, she finally books a session and receives unexpected messages about love, connection, healing, and the ways our pets can change our lives.

Arns dives into the viral "midlife glow up" journey of creator Leila Howell (@mykindofglow_), whose honest reflections on motherhood, identity, self-worth, reinvention, and personal growth have resonated with millions. We discuss what it means to lose yourself in life's transitions—and how to find your way back.

From pet psychics and spiritual experiences to motherhood, self-discovery, vulnerability, and emotional wellness, this episode is a reminder that growth often begins in the smallest and most unexpected moments.

Topics discussed:

  • Animal communication
  • Pet psychics
  • Cats and emotional bonds
  • Spiritual experiences
  • Emotional healing
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Midlife glow ups
  • Motherhood and identity
  • Reinvention
  • Vulnerability
  • Finding yourself again

0:00 - Intro
2:47 - Flood our notifications, please
3:48 - HBD Nins & NY resolutions
7:09 - Nins: animal communicator session
40:26 - Arns: Leila's midlife glow up
1:01:17 - Outro

Referenced in this episode:

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brb crying—hosted by longtime best friends Nins & Arns—is a podcast where we explore the songs, books, TV shows, films, pop culture moments, and personal stories that help us laugh, cry, heal, and feel a little less alone. Crying is our superpower, and by sharing what makes us cry in a way that makes us laugh, we show how crying helps us connect with ourselves and each other.

Intro

SPEAKER_01

Hi, I'm Angela Nan.

SPEAKER_00

I'm Ariana Kempis.

SPEAKER_01

And this is BRB Crying.

SPEAKER_00

Hello everyone. Welcome back to BRB Crying. I'm Ariana, also known as Arnes. And I'm Angela, also known as Nince.

SPEAKER_01

And and New Year, New Tears, baby! What do we have? I literally thought of that like five minutes ago. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

That's a good one. Gotta come up with something. Let's just call that our episode title. New Year, New Tears. Yeah. Eh, no. We'll probably think of something. A little more we think of something.

SPEAKER_01

Creative juices that flow through us constantly. Oh my God. I'm sure we'll come up with something even better.

SPEAKER_00

I wake up at 3:30 in the morning and I'm like, oh my God, there's so many cool things we're gonna do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. How are you?

SPEAKER_01

Should we tell them what this podcast is about? I did. New Year, New Year's. Okay. Um, if that wasn't explicit enough, my God, um, we are a podcast that talks about things that made us cry. We are two lifelong best friends who never shut the fuck up. Never shut the fuck up. And it is oftentimes just us telling one another something that moved us very deeply. But in like a cool, like funny Oh yeah, we're really cool though.

SPEAKER_00

Sentimental like way. You know? If you're new here, welcome, crybabies. Love you. Love to have you. If you're old here, also love you. Thanks for sticking around always. Thanks for having us having our backs.

SPEAKER_01

Um no announcements today. Oh, I have one. Oh. I like your lip gloss today. Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_00

It's like a little darker. It was a free like hit the threshold, get something free. Yeah. Yeah. But it looks good. Thanks. I think it's from Crave Beauty. Okay. Sponsor us. Yes, it's from Crave Beauty. It's plumptuous lip jelly. It's a lip oil. What's it? Sponsor us. They're Asian-owned. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I'm also Asian-owned. Me too. That's why it resonates so deeply, you know.

SPEAKER_01

I own myself, okay, you guys. And I'm Asian, so that's what she means.

SPEAKER_00

Um, yeah, we don't have any announcements today other than if you haven't had a chance to rate us, I'm already plugging us because you gotta be your own biggest fucking supporter, you know? So if you haven't had a chance to rate us yet on Apple, Spotify, we love the love. Give us five stars. Tell your friends about

Flood our notifications, please

SPEAKER_00

us. Follow us on socials at beerbcrying.podcast, um, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. Subscribe to us on YouTube. Send us your sob stories. Hello at BeerB Cryingpodcast.com. Send us an email, or you can submit a form on our website, beerbecryingpodcast.com. We got merch. We fucking we have it all. We're doing it all. Listen.

SPEAKER_01

I want to log on to every social media account I have filled to the brim with notifications. Okay. I need it to survive. We all do.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. I want to see so many notifications that I don't even see your fucking notification. That's what I want. You know the fucking high you get when you get those likes. Be a doll. Anyway, yeah. We love you. So thanks for loving us back. Yeah. Thanks. All right. How are you? Um, happy new year.

SPEAKER_01

Happy New Year. Um, I'm okay. Do I have anything interesting to share?

SPEAKER_00

It was just your birthday.

HBD Nins & NY resolutions

SPEAKER_00

At the time that this is coming out, it will just have been your birthday. It will have just been my birthday.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. I don't really know what to say to this. Like, what do you want me to say? How does it feel? Um, I can't believe that I am turning the age that I'm turning.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01

33.

SPEAKER_00

33, baby.

SPEAKER_01

In my mind.

SPEAKER_00

Let me guess your age. Oh, yeah. I told you.

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, I don't remember, but um like 26? Close 25. Ah. In my mind, I'm still 25. Mm-hmm. I can see that. You know? Mm-hmm. Yours was 27, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It's forevermore.

SPEAKER_01

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Capricorn season, baby. Capricorn season. The best time of the year.

SPEAKER_01

So I've heard.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01

It's all about like really sticking to one's goals, writing down the goals, the New Year's resolutions, and being like super, super committed, and then like all of a sudden, Capricorn season ends and people are like, eh. You know, but those first few weeks of January. We go so hard. We're fucking locked in. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any resolutions that you are pondering? Ooh, ask me in two weeks. Okay. Ask you when it's February.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, ask me when it's February. I'll have I'll have something. I'll have something. Do you have anything?

SPEAKER_01

Um, I've been dabbling with the idea of really committing to meditation.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Because like I feel like everyone's always like, yeah, it's really good for you. And then I'm like, yeah, that makes sense. And then I get into it, and then I forget. I like don't make time for it. I feel like I'm gonna try this year. I really want to commit to like two to three times a week. Let's set like a reasonable goal. Yeah. Not like every day one fucking hour, you know. And then if you don't do it, you f you're failure, you know. Like it's just we don't do that. Yeah, we'll take it easy. So that's that's what I got. Cool.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Actually, I did think of one that I've been thinking about. I'm not sure if I'm gonna commit to it. I would like to play a little bit more piano. Oh kind of random. We'll see if I stick with it. I I don't know why. I just I think it's so cool the idea of being able to like read a note, not really think about it, and then play it without having to be like your mind goes elsewhere. Yeah, yeah. You're channeling something different. And I feel that way when I listen to music or like when I'm singing and stuff, but there's a little bit more thought that has to go behind if I'm playing piano because I'm not super fast, right? And so I I feel like that kind of fluency would be kind of fun. Yeah. We'll see. That's cute. It's cute. Well, we'll see if I like if it pans out. Okay. Alright. What about you? We're gonna pause for two minutes now while you talk us through your resolution. Dude, yeah. No, that's sick. That's sick.

SPEAKER_01

Wow.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I'm really proud of you.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my god, that's such a creative one.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You're gonna kill it. Yeah. Alright. All right.

SPEAKER_00

Should we do it? Is it time? First one of the year. First one of the year. It's time. It's me, right? It's you. You're kicking us off.

Nins: animal communicator session

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Okay. So today we are fully diving into the woo-woo. You know, we love a woo-woo. We love a woo-woo. We love a woo-woo. This one is a personal woo-woo. Okay. I am gonna be talking about something that a lot of skeptics will scoff at and tell me can't be real, and will think I'm just being really gullible, but guess what? I don't fucking care. Okay. My life is magical. I'm not gonna apologize for it. No, it is. There is magic everywhere. Sorry. Not sorry. Yeah. I hope that all of our listeners will hear this story with an open heart and an open mind. Because there is so much in the world and in the universe that our silly little limited human brains will never fully understand. And instead of trying to prove everything with scientific fact, sometimes it's just fun to lean into the unknown and let the impossible leave us in wonder.

SPEAKER_00

Love it.

SPEAKER_01

So, with that said, today I will be recapping my hour-long animal communication session with pet psychic Jenny from Bluebird Animal Communication. Okay, several steps back. Let me hold your hands and let's just process what the fuck I just said. Okay, communication. Okay. So cook-a-cook-a-context. One of my soulmates in this lifetime is my pet cat, Meredith Gray, otherwise known as Mare Mare. She is an almost six-year-old cat, 70 months old, silver-shaded British short hair, beautiful silver coat, big green eyes, a cute button pink nose, gorgeous being. And one of the biggest loves of my life. I talked a little bit about her and how she came into my world around 2020, right at the start of the pandemic. This was back in episode 27. But in summary, we got her as a little kitten, and she's been my fucking ride or die ever since. We love her.

SPEAKER_00

We love her. We love her. She has changed my outlook on what a cat is and what it's like to have a cat in your life.

SPEAKER_01

Meredith has been the cutest, sweetest, most pure addition to our home and our family. And I never had a pet growing up. So getting a cat in my late 20s was quite an adjustment for me. And very quickly, I was like, oh, so I guess from now on we're just gonna have this like little four-legged thing just live in my house and like follow me around. Like, okay. And whenever I think about it, I'm like, pets don't really do anything. Like they just sleep for like 12, 16 hours a day. You know, maybe they'll look out the window if they're feeling a little spicy, and then they get zoomies for like 10 minutes and then they just fuck off. And that's kind of like what their day is like.

SPEAKER_00

Amazing. You know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

My God. Yeah. But every night when my husband and I get ready to go to sleep, she hops onto the foot of the bed and waits for me to give her her evening snuggles and approximately 300 kisses on her little head. It's those moments when I hear her soft purrs and look into those big round green eyes that my mind always wonders, what the fuck are you thinking? You know? What is in that little head of yours? May or me? Do you know how loved you are? Do you know how happy you make your mom and dad? Or sometimes if I'm feeling a little cheeky, I'll go. Oh, you're so cute. You just look like a duel. You're so cute. I bet she loves that accent. She does. She does. So thanks to TikTok, my mobile portal to all the knowledge in the universe.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. Wait, that's such a great summation of what TikTok can be. Yeah, TikTok's sponsor me.

SPEAKER_01

Portal, yeah, truly. Anyway. Thanks to TikTok, I learned that there is in fact a way to know what she's thinking in that little head of hers. Because it turns out there are people out there who have the ability to communicate with animals.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

I I'm not gonna bother explaining because I don't know how. I'm just gonna tell you I wholeheartedly believe that there are people out there who can do it. Without a fucking doubt. It's like when people it's like when people tell you that they can see ghosts, who the fuck am I to question that? Of course.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I fucking believe you.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I mean? And I love that, I don't know if this is just like a Filipino thing, but I love that whenever we find out someone can see ghosts, it's just like, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Sick. Tell me everything, you know. So anyway, I've always wanted to book with an animal communicator ever since I found out that they were a thing. And there are a few popular ones on TikTok, but I'd look up their websites and they wouldn't have dates available for months, or I would get scared looking at the price of the session, or really what I was doing was finding whatever excuse to deny myself the simple joy for whatever reason. So I don't even know what was so different about this one particular night where, as usual, I was just scrolling through my for you page and another animal communication video pops up. And it was Jenny. Her username is Bluebird Animal Communication. And she had popped up a few times before on my page, as did a few other communicators, but she always stood out to me because it was like it was like I could feel her authenticity through the screen. Like she just gave off a very safe energy. And her videos would basically be her recounting communication sessions with pets. And it's like you could feel the love and the respect that she would give each animal and really trying to understand them. And that night she posted a video of her reading with a cat, and it struck me that this particular cat, like she has it on as the background of her video, and then she's talking. The cat looked really similar to Mare. It was like such a cute cat. And I think the video was about like this cat that was being bullied by other animals in the house. Like something really like tugging at my heartstrings. And so I was like, oh my god, I really just want to know what Mare is thinking. So I was like, fuck it. I've been wanting to do this for years. I went onto her website, I learned a little bit more about Jenny, and I was like, you know what, this is my girl. This is it. She's the one. Yep. I booked the soonest session I could with her that night. So before I jump into the details of our session, let me just share a little bit about Jenny. All of this I gathered from her website, Bluebird Animal Communication.com, and then just various videos on her TikTok page. So Jenny says in her bio that she had always been pretty sensitive to energy in general, even as a young child, like she would have really strong intuition. She could sense when things would happen, or she would get flashes of it, and then they would happen. But she never really explored it fully until she was older. And I've seen other mediums and psychics say similar things that being in touch with the spiritual or the metaphysical is something that you really have to actively practice, right? Like, yes, some people may be born with stronger natural abilities, but it really is a skill that you have to hone. But anyways, Jenny says that growing up, she wasn't this intense animal lover. Like she had a family dog and whatever. She liked animals, but she wasn't like pick me about it. You know, she wasn't it wasn't like her brand, right? But oh, I know those people. You know what I mean? Where it's like, okay, we got it, you know. We love you. Read us. Okay. Maybe not. I'm just kidding. I'm just like it wasn't until Jenny was in her 20s that she could no longer ignore this deep calling to explore her psychic abilities and her natural affinity with animals that all of a sudden just came on very strongly during this time. Like she started volunteering a lot. She had this rescue dog, and it was like the side of her woke up.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_01

And I love that. Because, like, don't we all just spend our 20s discovering who we're really meant to be? So, no different here with Jenny. So, from there, she spent the next 20 plus years developing her gifts as a spiritual practitioner, working on meditation techniques and understanding her intuition. And now she dedicates her time working as an animal communicator. So I booked an appointment through her website. I think I had to wait like two months because her calendar is so booked up. Oh. Um, but anyway, the night before the appointment, I sent her a picture of Mare, and that's how Jenny's able to tune into her and communicate with her. Babe, I don't really know how it works fully. I don't need to know. Okay, I just sent her the picture.

SPEAKER_00

Don't ask her. She doesn't know.

SPEAKER_01

Just listen. Okay. It's not important. So anyway, next day we get on the Zoom call, and Jenny has Mare's picture in front of her, and Jenny tells me that Mare will send her images or send her feelings or show her things. And sometimes Jenny won't really understand what she's trying to say. Quote: When I'm looking to the side or down, and when I have my eyes closed, I'm talking to her. So feel free though to interject with questions or comments. It will be very conversational because what she's showing me is perfect. I'm the imperfect one. So I'm trying to decode what she's telling me. So I might need to pull you in. But hopefully, she's a good communicator. Oh, I love that. So we spend the next hour talking to Mare, and Mare had so much to say. Jenny says that, like people, you know, every animal has their own personality. Some are more standoffish than others. But I had a feeling going into the session that Mare was going to be almost like a talkative kid. Like I just felt that Mare's soul was really young and pure, which I think really came through during our session. They say that cats are like this ancient spiritual being, and I love that idea of you know dogs being your guardians in the physical world, but cats are your guardians in the spiritual one. And I think I find so much comfort in that message. But when I look at Mare, I'm like, but I feel like you're such a new energy. I don't know. I can't explain it. So anyway, I'll share a few highlights now, and then I don't know, maybe at some point we'll eventually get to like why I cried. If you want. You know, maybe. We'll see what happens. We'll see. So one of the first things Mare told Jenny was that the way she feels in life is that she is still, but everything is rushing past her. That mom and dad are hurried and busy a lot of the time. And she is just standing and watching. And I was explaining to Jenny, like, yeah, I I guess me and Lou are pretty busy. You know, Lou started a new job this year where he has to go into the office every day. I have this flourishing podcast. And, you know, we do have a pretty active social calendar. I mean, it tugged up my heartstrings a little bit, imagining her just watching us be in and out all the time and doing this or that while she stays at home. So that was actually one of the things I asked Jenny about. I was like, what can we do to make Mary's life more exciting? I I just don't want her to be bored and I don't want her to be like wasting her days, you know? And I was like, does she enjoy when we take her outside for walks? Because sometimes we'll take her outside around the gardens of our complex. But I get the sense that she's really anxious and overwhelmed when we go, right? It's like every little noise, she's like, what the fuck, you know? But then when we bring her back inside, she's pawing out the front door as if she wants to go back out. So like I could never tell. Like, do you hate this? Do you love this? What's going on? And Jenny was like, oh no, she does want to go outside. She does. She likes it. Meredith is saying it gives her this empowering feeling. Like, I was so brave. I was so cool. So, Miss Mare, once it gets a little warmer, you will definitely have a lot of outside time. Oh, she's so cute. Um, okay. She also told Jenny that she loves it when I sit on the floor to talk to her.

SPEAKER_00

Oh.

SPEAKER_01

She feels very important when I do that. She likes it when we're at the same level. So for cats, they really value like physical hierarchy. So if a cat is physically higher than you, say they're like on a bookshelf or bookcase or something, and they're looking down at you, that's like them saying, I rank myself higher than you, or like I'm the boss, or like I don't trust you, right? Whereas if they're lower than you, they see you as a superior. But my sweet girl loves it when her parents are at the same level as her. And it makes her feel important. And this is like a really small anecdote, but like for any of you that are doubting this, there was a small portion of the session where going off on this, like being on the same level thing, I had moved a chair, like one of our bar stools, into my office because I wanted her to sit at the same level as me. And she seemed to like it. Like as I was working from home, she would sit on that chair and like sleep, and like that's that would be her spending the day with me. But then Jenny was like, She's showing me that you moved something recently. And she started describing like the chair, like the color, the shape. And she was like, and now she feels like she can't play around it. Because when it was up against the kitchen counter, oh yeah. She would like scurry around the other bar stools and it would be kind of like her little obstacle course. Yeah. She's like, she's saying it's in the wrong place. Oh. She didn't call it a chair. She was like describing the base of the chair. She's like, it looks like suction cups, but it I know it's not a suction cup, but it's like black and it's round. And I'm like looking at the chair and I'm like, oh my God, she's describing my furniture. Like she can't see it. She didn't know. Yeah. Anyway. I'm just gonna run through some other things that she said because there is a point to the story. But um No, please take your fucking time. I love this. I love this. So we asked Mare if we, sorry. I asked Mare. Lou was like, I think he gets a little nervous about the boo-boo, so he was like, I'm leaving the house. I don't want to be there. Yeah, but of course, when he came back, we watched the whole thing together. I think he just needed to know like this wasn't gonna be scary or like heavy. And I was like, no, it's it's good. So anyway. I asked Jenny how Mare would feel if we got another cat. And she was like, oh, she kind of has mixed feelings about it because she loves being the center of your world. And she was like, okay, well, you know, she kind of gave us a list of the temperaments that she would want to see if we were to bring another pet home. But she was like, she's telling me that she would really just love to look at a fish. She was like, Mom, that would just be a perfectly fine companion if you want something else. We can have a fish. She just wants to watch.

SPEAKER_00

She doesn't know what a fish is.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. I was wondering if it was because we put on cat TV, like just like YouTube videos of like birds or animals and like come into the frame. And sometimes there's fish. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Sorry, sorry, I forgot. But yeah. My little girl wants a fish. So are you gonna get a fish? I we do, but like I also don't want to like rush it. Yeah. It's like it opens up this whole door of like you gotta research all these equipment, and like, you know, it's a responsibility. So like taking our time. I'm not just like running to the store to grab something and then like not caring about it. So we want to do it right. But I do eventually want to get my little girl a fish. Um let's see. She likes the setup of her litter box. We went through a few trials with her litter, and we went through a lot. There were times where she would miss the litter box, or like I could tell that she didn't like it. But as we're going through the details of all of these different options we tried, she tells Jenny, I was never trying to be difficult. I'm sorry. Oh. And Jenny was like, This is the first. Like, usually when I tune into cats, they kind of have this air of, yeah, so what? Entitlement. Yeah, entitlement. Whereas Mare was coming off as really just wanting to make our lives easy, like not wanting to be a burden. Jenny was like, she's so sweet. She is not like other cats, and like, you know, I'm like so fucking proud. Like, she's not. She's not. She's different. Um, other stuff that she said, she was a little mad at me one day because I was eating a pastry that had chocolate and give her any. Um, she told Jenny, I know I'm little and dainty, but sometimes I like to growl and be fierce. So my cat, I'm pretty sure was the runt of the litter. She's so small. Yeah. And it's weird because she's so tiny, but when she plays, she plays fucking hard. Yeah. Like she has like a little cat tunnel that is in the living room, and she will literally pounce her way through that fucking tunnel. Lou calls her his little linebacker. Like it's real, like the force in which she hits. And um, she was saying a lot, and Jenny was like, Oh, you're such a good girl, honey. And Mare responded, I know I'm a good girl. Mom calls me that all the time, but I'm not a baby. I do like to be babied though. She sounds like a child. Right, just like this really. Like a toddler. Pure soul, right? Yes. And then at the end of the session, Jenny was like, Okay, well, what are your favorite things about the house? And she goes, I love, love, love Lou Sean. She's saying she loves it when Lou is home. I like to be around his shoes and the smell of him. I also like when all three of us are cozy in when we're shutting down together at the end of the night. There's lots of blankets. Like what? She said a few other things about Lou, but that's his story to tell. But I've been saving for last the one that really got me. The one thing that Mary told Jenny that made me cry during the session. And this happened about 20 minutes into our conversation. This was at the point when Jenny was describing the bar stools, and then she just like completely changes subject, and she's like, She's telling me that when you met Mare, your heart was a barrier, and she broke through. When you got her, your heart was closed. She broke through, and she knows that. And she's like, that is our bond. She's so proud that you love her so much and that she was able to break that barrier. Whoa! Okay. So obviously, I start crying during the Zoom session, and I'm telling her, like, yeah, I feel that. You know, she was the first pet I ever had. And so, you know, like being the youngest sibling too and stuff, I I never knew what it was really like to take care of something before. And and Mare taught me how. And Jenny was like, yeah, she's so proud of herself for that. And then immediately Jenny was like, okay, so now Mare wants to talk about the litter.

SPEAKER_00

I'm like, oh I was like, can we like stop for a second?

SPEAKER_01

I was like, that's fine because I I need a fucking minute. Hold on, let me like compose myself, right? So, of course, ever since that session, I've been dwelling on that. And, you know, I'm just, I'm like so grateful that Mare feels how much I love her and that she's happy and that she's whole and that she enjoys her life. But I've been thinking about what she meant when she said that my heart was closed. Because that's kind of a strong image, right? My heart is a barrier. And I didn't think I was necessarily navigating the world with this iron fist and that no one could get through to me. And I was like, damn, like Capricorn or what? Like fuck. But all of this didn't really click to me until I was editing our bonus QA episode. And I honestly feel like, because this I think this session happened sometime in end of September. Oh, wow. Okay. And I had been waiting to cover this on an episode, but for whatever reason, didn't feel like the right time. I had other things planned. And then we had this bonus QA. And during that QA, I asked you very vainly, what do you love most about me? I mean, I was just like fishing for compliments, obviously, but what you said inadvertently helped me make sense of what Mare was trying to tell me. You said, I love the way I've seen you grow. I feel like you, for the longest time, very much like that Capricorn side of you, had much more of a harder exterior shell. But now you're doing a podcast about your feelings. And you alluded to this soft side that I've really, really leaned into and have worked so hard to understand and explore. And so as I was sitting there editing, you know, in Adobe Premiere Pro, listening to it over and over again, you know, like fucking getting the right snippets, it was like it just hit me. And I had to stop myself and just really let myself cry because I finally like understood what Mare was trying to tell me. When I look back at the state of my life in 2020 when Mare Mare walked into it, I can say with certainty that yeah, that was when everything really started to change for me. Mare was right. She was the one that really began to break down that barrier. I had spent so much of my life trying to be too cool for school, do you know? Guarded, unbothered, unaffected. What I thought was strong. I carried myself in a way that was I guess intimidating, you know, almost unfriendly. Shout out again, Capricorn season. We are here. I think deep down it was because I didn't know who or what I wanted to be. I didn't know what was important to me. So I figured if I acted like I didn't care, at least I wouldn't look stupid for trying, you know? But I was lost. I was chasing a lot of the wrong things committed to this carefully curated cool girl act. And then all of a sudden I had this little tiny kitten falling asleep in my arms, relying on me for food, for pets, for a warm place to rest. And it was like, alright, the jig is up. There was no more pretending I didn't care. Mayor saw right through my act and showed me something she knew I'd like so much better. Softness. Tenderness. It was like my soul was like, oh. So that's what I'd been looking for. And loving her so completely, my heart opened in a way that I never even dreamed it could. Not just for her, but for myself too. I became gentler with my time, my voice, my thoughts. I dared myself to heal and dream and feel things. I leaned into my own softness and vulnerability and let it show me what truly mattered. So now here I am with my heart fully opened, sharing it with the world. And it's all thanks to a little dainty cat who fiercely pounced right through it. Turns out being too cool is kind of cold. But crazy cat lady, very, very hot.

SPEAKER_00

I remember when you sent me the recap video of your session.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. Jenny uploaded a TikTok recapping our session. We'll link it in the show notes. Yes for sure.

SPEAKER_00

And was it mentioned there the whole your heart being okay? Uh I did cry. I I was watching it and I was like, oh, okay. But I don't even think I when you asked me what do I love most about you. Yeah. You know, I don't remember, yeah. I didn't remember that. And I didn't remember it when we were recording. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. Mayor. My girl. Yeah. It's kind of funny to be able to look back on your life and pinpoint the moments where it all changed. Because when you brought home this cute fucking cat, I don't think in your mind it was like, oh, and then I'm gonna start this healing journey. I'm gonna start this healing journey and I'm gonna like love so openly because of her, like, right, you know, but to be able to look back on that is such a gift. And you have her in your life still, and you you can still, you know, give her those snuggles and and thank her, and yeah, you can be so present with her. And I love that you just did, because you for a long time you were talking about doing a session. Yeah. But like with everything else in life, it panned out exactly as it was supposed to. It did. Because who knows if another communicator was gonna tell you these things.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And like the timing of me writing the story. I you know, I feel like that's kind of why I held off on mentioning it here, because I was like, I don't know what I've strongly taken away from it yet. It was like the universe was saying, like, hold on, like you'll you'll make that connection. Because I didn't feel ready to share it yet. I was like, what am I gonna say? Yeah, yeah. And you were like, I think you were like, I don't care, just you want to know everything. Selfishly, just tell me exactly what happened during the session because I want to know. Yeah. And I felt that, but I was like, I don't feel like I'm there yet. Yes. And then all of a sudden, I was there. Like, how did she know that? You know, we keep mentioning how she feels like this really innocent toddler, but like, okay, you fucking knew. Yeah. You could just observe that mom was on her healing journey. Like, I don't know. And um, I guess because I always feel like I have to like bring it back to people who don't have the same exact life or the same exact perfect little cat at home. But it's just like I think that no matter what your life looks like, I think that if you can take a second to just see how much you've grown and think about what it was that ignited that growth in you, we can just take a moment to honor it and give it all of our gratitude. You know?

SPEAKER_00

Can we just go straight into my story? Did we wrap it around? Did I say my story? Should I bother? Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Because I didn't write that, but I felt called to say it all of a sudden. Of course you did. Of course you did. Anyway, um, I'll just end it with love you, mayor. Love you, Mare. Love you all cats. Love you all cats. Get a cat, everyone. I want one.

SPEAKER_00

Do you? Yeah, but Jomar's allergic, but I'm still like, because Sana's not allergic to cats. She is allergic to dogs. Yeah. But she's not allergic to cats. I'm feeling called to. My sister sent me a screenshot of this thread she saw where this guy was talking about, like, oh, when I first started exploring like astral projections and stuff, you know, I noticed that my cat started following me around. And and I was like, oh, that's weird. Like, I hope he knows what he's doing, where he's going. And then suddenly he opened his own fucking portal and dipped. And he was like, I guess I was the one who was new to this. That's what I'm fucking saying.

SPEAKER_01

That's what all these animal communicators are saying. That like they spend their time sleeping because they're not fucking here. I love it. That's what I'm saying. They're so healing. It's so cool. It's fucking sick. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I was kind of like hope, I guess not hoping is the wrong word. I was like curious to see if Mare would reveal some ancient secret knowledge of the universe. Because obviously she's fucking part of this, but she was like, I like blankets. I want to be shooting.

SPEAKER_00

No, but she still did though. She still did the wisdom is there. The wisdom is there.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So my girl.

SPEAKER_00

My girl.

SPEAKER_01

Love you, Mare. Thank you also to Jenny. Yes. Obviously, highly, highly recommend if anyone is curious to know what their own pets are trying to tell them. Cool.

SPEAKER_00

Love it. Beautiful. Thank you. I was so excited for this one. Yeah. Yeah. And I know everyone else is gonna fucking eat this shit up. Dude, love it.

Arns: Leila's midlife glow up

SPEAKER_01

Alright. All right.

SPEAKER_00

Fuck me up. Ah. Nah. Okay. This is not heavy. Okay. So it's a new year. We talked a little bit about new year resolutions. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I know yours is a little bit more about your spiritual hygiene and meditation. I would say that a lot of people's will be around going to the gym, exercising, eating healthy. That's not mine. You know how they say that gym memberships just like fucking skyrocket. And then people start going like 4 a.m. Yeah. Not me. When it's like cold or dark, like I'm not. So hard. It's like if it's hard, I shouldn't be doing that. Right. I should not be, I should even like, I don't want to wet my hair. No. Are you kidding? The worst. No, not for me. Not for me. Um, but I understand it. It's all rooted in wanting to be a better version of yourself. And even though we could absolutely start these habits before January 1st, I also get why we wait. You know, it's so symbolic. A new beginning. Um, side note, did you know that the calendar should really be based on the moon? I gathered. So, yes, yes, right?

SPEAKER_01

I've always wondered to myself, yeah, why the fuck is there a Sunday? Yeah, okay, but not a moon day. Isn't that Monday? And I was like, holy shit, that's Monday.

SPEAKER_00

Anyway, she's she's a little academic. Um, but yeah, so it's supposed to be 13 months of 28 days. Because then you have three inches 64 days every fucking year, and then you don't need a fucking leap year.

SPEAKER_01

Mm-hmm. And then all of the numbered dates are on the same day. Mm-hmm. So the first is always a Sunday. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But then you would have Friday the 13th every month. I've I've definitely researched. We've thought about it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I still think we should start a petition. Um, but anyway, January 1, the first day we attempt to become the best version of ourselves yet. The first day of our glow-up, if you will. So in the spirit of the new year, I want to talk about someone who is doing her own kind of glow-up. Not one with juice cleanses, intermittent fasting, forum gym visits, but someone who is just trying to find herself again. And her name is Leela. So on November 30th, 2025, Leela, who goes by the username at my kind of glow underscore on Instagram, posted her first video with the caption Day one started a midlife glow-up. The video title. 41 and trying to glow up instead of lie down. And the video opens with a voiceover of a woman saying, Hey, so that's me. I'm Leela. And in this opening frame, we see that Leela is a woman in her early 40s. She's wearing this oversized sweater and leggings. She kind of is half-heartedly attempting to like a pose. She has like the weariest look on her face. And if you're anything like me, you're fucking hooked. Who the fuck is Leela? I gotta know. She's as real as fuck. Yeah. Exactly. And in this video, Leela introduces herself as a tiger. Mother of two kids under five. We watch as she makes herself some coffee, she makes the bed, washes her face, eats her breakfast, kind of sneaks away from her toddler so she can enjoy some coffee in peace, all the while explaining to whoever out there might be listening. I'm figuring out what actually makes me glow, besides stress and caffeine. Mostly because I've moved countries, had a baby, gone through the pandemic, had another baby, turned 40, moved back, misplaced my entire personality somewhere in there. And now everything hurts and I'm tired. So I want to show you the video really quick. This is her first day. Okay, so I am showing Nin's Leela's first video, 41, and trying to glow up instead of lie down. Okay, so in this video, Leela warns viewers this is not your typical healing myself with lemon water glow-up. This is her trying to move her body again, do some mental health check-ins, maybe do some skincare, find some hobbies, and in her words, become someone again. And at the end of her video, and all of her videos thereafter, she adds in a little sprinkle of encouragement with the words, let's just see what we can get. So watching these videos, we see that Leela is a very ordinary person doing very ordinary things. But I think what makes her extraordinary is how she shares. The way she narrates is whimsical yet familiar. Like I just cracked open this cozy romance novel, and I already love the main character. She has this dry sense of humor, but there's an ease and gentleness about her. She finds these really subtle ways to make light of her situation, but there's no bitterness or self-deprecation. It kind of just feels like this warm hug from an old friend. So over the past few weeks, Leela has posted videos almost daily. It's a mixture of her talking straight to the camera, like when she finally goes to this Pilates class that she's been canceling and rescheduling over and over and over again. And she talks about when she finally goes, it ends up moving her to tears because she hasn't moved her body like that in so long. And then there's also more narrative storytelling, like when we're just kind of similar to that first video, watching her do things around the house while she explains her decision to move back home to Australia after 16 years in Seattle and how that heartbreak still lingers. And on day 16, there's even an unboxing video because Leela has kind of accidentally become an influencer. And she has been flooded with this barrage of bright, shiny things from these companies. And I actually want to show you this video. So in this video, we see Leela. She's unboxing all these things, so many things. But in her voiceover, she digs just a tiny bit deeper and she says, I know these are just products, but for me, it's a little reminder that showing up as my chaotic self is actually doing something. Like the universe said, Fine, here's a moisturizer, keep going. And I think we forget to celebrate our wins. We do something brave or new or good and immediately move on to wiping a nose or unloading a dishwasher. So today I'm celebrating. Not this stuff, but the fact that I'm trying. I did cry a little bit when I when I watched that one. But this range of videos, like this is exactly what I love about Leela's journey. She could be doing something as ordinary as sweeping the floor or as absurd as unboxing gifts sent to her as a result of becoming a new influencer. But no matter what it is, you can't help but root for her because she always brings it back to the universal truths that ground her and us. You don't have to be a tired mom of two to understand where Leela is coming from. Maybe you're just someone who's slowly begun realizing how much you put everyone else's needs first and you're finally ready to prioritize yourself. Maybe you're discovering how many years you've spent on autopilot and you're ready to take control back of your life. Or maybe life has just been really hard on you. And in your quest to survive, you've gradually let go of the things that used to bring you joy, all the things that made you you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, Leela is right there with you, along with, at the time of this recording, 144,000 new community members she's amassed in the past few weeks. I had to keep changing the number because literally every day, 2,000 more, 3,000 more people.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

But since I am the mom of a young child, I want to offer the lens through which I'm watching Leela's journey and some context as to why her words have moved me. So in the early days of motherhood, there were days, weeks, months that went by where I didn't do a single thing for myself. And that was very normal. At one point, I realized I wasn't even going to the bathroom whenever I needed to go. Like, you know how you just, I need to pee, and you go and pee. I was holding it for hours because it was just too hard. I just couldn't disentangle myself from this child. I was neglecting my basic needs, chasing this never-ending to-do list, struggling to maintain this house that it's like it kept getting messier and messier no matter how hard I was trying to clean. And by the time the baby would go to sleep, I would pass out, too depleted to take care of the dishes, let alone do something for myself. And I didn't recognize myself. At this point, it had been two years since the idea of motherhood had entered my sphere. From deciding we were ready to have a baby, trying to get pregnant, actually getting pregnant, and then surviving infancy. So by then, I was so far removed from my identity that I didn't even care that I didn't have an identity. I remember telling my therapist, thank fucking God for my therapist, because I would have to do therapy over Zoom while holding sauna. Like she would hopefully be napping and I would just be, you know, doing it all. But I would remember telling her that I felt like I didn't have the capacity to feel anything other than this primal need to keep this baby alive. And I remember when I told her those words, I didn't even feel any. I was like, I don't care about anything else. I just need this child to survive. And I didn't even care that I didn't care about anything else. And of course, of course, there was joy, a joy that unlike I've ever experienced, and also anger, sadness, wonder, everything, everything in between. But what I remember most from that time was this bone-deep, unending exhaustion. I was so tired. And even though I was surrounded by the biggest love in the world, the best partner, the sweetest friends, the most rock solid support system, I was so lonely. I was I was in this perpetual fog. Like I was lost. I had no idea where I was, where I was going. And maybe it was kind of that nine-month mark postpartum where I was finally moving past the threshold of survival mode. But I finally got to this point where I realized I woke up one day and I was like, I want to care about something again. And then we decided to start this podcast. When this little seedling of an idea took root and began to blossom, I felt this clarity and this focus and energy I hadn't felt in years. I could finally exist beyond motherhood. I threw myself into this project, this art form, in a way I hadn't thrown myself into something like that. Like even pre-pregnancy, writing, creating, dreaming, I felt the life pouring back into me, and it was like coming home. It was slightly different from the home I had been inhabiting, but it was still home nonetheless. In one of Leela's videos, she says, I love my family, but I miss me. And I realized now that that loneliness I felt when I was deep in the trenches of early motherhood, that wasn't me needing company because I had all the company in the world. It was me needing myself. So that's what this podcast, that's what Beer Be Crying has been for me. A glow up, yes, but also a lifeline. Because showing up to do this thing that's just for me, betting on myself, taking pride in something so beautiful I've helped create. It saved me. And it has showed me that my life can be bigger and brighter and more beautiful than anything I could have ever dreamed of. Our friend Leela is still very much on her glow-up journey. At the time of this recording, she's still only a few weeks in. And I'm so grateful to be part of her community, to have found her, to be following along. You know, what drew me in, and I'm sure is drawing in most people, is that she's funny and familiar and honest about her struggles. But most of all, she exudes kindness first and foremost to herself. And this kindness isn't just softness, although there is softness. For her, it also looks like showing up for herself, even when it's the last thing she wants to do, finally going to that Phalates class, going for a walk, taking some space from her newfound influencer identity and going offline, daring to go offline for a day, sitting in the sun. Maybe you're listening to this and you're thinking about your glow-up, your new year resolutions, and maybe your goals are a little more aesthetic this year. Maybe you are going to the gym. I don't know. You know, maybe you are going at 4 a.m. when it's dark, when you could be sleeping, and healing yourself with lemon water. And if so, keep going, dude. Like that's fucking sick. Or maybe you're just trying to find parts of yourself that you've lost. But wherever you are, whichever season of life you're in, whatever glow-up looks like for you, I hope I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for as you set out on this journey. And I hope you can keep meeting yourself with kindness the whole way. And let's just see where we can get.

SPEAKER_01

New Year. Still writing the same fucking stories.

SPEAKER_00

What? What? And I knew you were gonna talk about Mare. Uh-huh. And so I was like, it crossed my mind, I was like, oh, maybe I'll also talk about like an animal thing that I have kind of lined up. And I was like, too similar, too similar.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Like doing that thing where like I have something to say, but I'm like, is it worth it? Because I'm gonna cry. Yes, of course. It is always worth it.

SPEAKER_00

It's gonna be hard to get through though. That's fine. Really? I mean, like, that's not what we do every fucking week on this podcast. I don't even know how to say it.

SPEAKER_01

Like, as your best friend, I I watched you take on motherhood and let it consume you in all of the wonderful ways. But selfishly, I I missed you too, you know. Like it was just uh something that I accepted. We were not gonna be the same people that we always are because we're always changing. But then you really did come back to yourself. And I'm just so honored to be right next to you while you do it.

SPEAKER_00

I think about this journey with this podcast, and of course it was gonna be something that I wasn't gonna do alone. Because I don't think that's what I needed. I think I needed someone right by my side who has known every iteration of me to keep me grounded through all of this.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not gonna fuck you up. Oh God. That's fine. This has really been like one of the coolest, most rewarding things that I've ever done. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And like what Leela says, like, we don't really stop so much to celebrate the wins. And you know, we have all these huge dreams, all these things that we know is gonna happen for us. And at the same time, like, wow, this is so cool that we even did this. And I remember when we first started the podcast running into people in real life and then being like, whoa, you did something like that? Like, how did how? Like, how did you even like decide you wanted to do it? How did you even figure it out? And like, I'm so proud of us that we we actually did something for ourselves in this way.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and I'm so grateful for all the little things that led us there. Yep. Mare, sauna, cat, child, yeah, yeah. And everything in between. Everything in between. It really was all leading up to it. Yeah. Was always gonna have this. Mm-hmm. It's always gonna happen this way. Yeah. And we were always gonna find our way into your ears.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Hello. And you too could be the vehicle through which we find our way into someone else's ears. Mmm. If you share our podcast and rate us five stars. Businesswoman at the end of it all, too, okay. I'm just trying to watch out for us, you know. Whoa. Love you, Leela. Yeah, she's just so I'm that kind of growth that I've been seeing on her page. I mean, to go every day leading up to the story and have to keep changing the number. Her glore. Yeah, like it's yeah, her glore, yeah. Her glore. It's like it just makes sense that people resonate with it. That idea of finding themselves again.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I think it's just so refreshing to be fucking raw and real online. Yes. I'm glad that as much as she is trying to go on this glore-up journey, there is still this deep-rooted understanding of she will still be authentic to herself. She's trying to find things that actually matter.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I think that's why it resonates so much with people, because it's like there is a definitely a movement, and maybe this is just my algorithm, but there is such a movement towards people being real and that being what people, the rest of the world being attracted to, resonating with. Like we're fucking tired of the perfect. Want the real.

unknown

Yeah.

Outro

SPEAKER_00

Love you, Leela. Love you, Jenny. Love you, Mare. Love you, Sana. Love you, listeners. Love you, arns. Love you, Nins.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Sick. Happy fucking new year.

SPEAKER_01

Happy fucking new year. Happy Capricorn season. Happy cap season. Best time of year. It is. All right. All right.

SPEAKER_00

Lock in. Lock the fuck in. Glow up. Lore the fuck up.

SPEAKER_01

Glore the fuck up. We'll end it there. See you in two, baby. But until then, beer be crying.