035: why tems' "higher" hits so hard + the 6-hour flight delay that changed everything

This week, Nins dives into "Higher" by Tems, the haunting Afrobeats ballad about toxic relationships, self-worth, healing, and finally choosing yourself. From the song's powerful lyrics to the surprising story behind Future's Grammy-winning sample in "Wait for U," this conversation explores what it means to stop waiting for people who refuse to change.

Then, Arns shares an unexpected story from a family trip through Europe. After a frustrating 6-hour flight delay in Italy, she discovers something beautiful while watching strangers navigate the inconvenience together—and reflects on finding peace, gratitude, and connection in life's unexpected pauses.

This episode is about healing, perspective, emotional growth, and the courage to choose peace over resentment.

In this episode:

• Tems' "Higher" lyric analysis
• The meaning behind "I won't wait for you"
• Toxic relationships and emotional healing
• Future's "Wait for U" sample controversy
• Traveling Europe with a toddler
• A 6-hour flight delay that became a life lesson
• Choosing gratitude during difficult moments
• Finding beauty in everyday life

Topics: Tems, Higher, Afrobeats, emotional healing, self-growth, relationships, travel stories, Europe travel, mindfulness, gratitude, personal development, mental wellness, emotional resilience

0:00 - Intro
2:58 - Recap: Nins watched Queen Charlotte
5:30 - Storytime: our first Vegas trip
7:19 - Nins: "Higher" by Tems
36:37 - Arns: flight delay
58:28 - Outro

Referenced in this episode:

• Tems "Higher" live performance | Open Mic
• TEMS' (@temsbaby) post on X: "Maybe now it’s time for me to confess..." 
• "Tems Joins Brown Bag Mornings & Clears up the Lyric From her Song Higher": interview with Power 106 Radio in Los Angeles

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brb crying—hosted by longtime best friends Nins & Arns—is a podcast where we explore the songs, books, TV shows, films, pop culture moments, and personal stories that help us laugh, cry, heal, and feel a little less alone. Crying is our superpower, and by sharing what makes us cry in a way that makes us laugh, we show how crying helps us connect with ourselves and each other.

Transcript

Intro

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, I'm Angela Nan.

SPEAKER_03 0:01

I'm Ariana Kempis.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

And this is BRB Crying.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Hello, everyone. Welcome to BRB Crying. I'm Ariana, also known as Arnes.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

And I'm Angela, also known as Ninz. And hello again. Hello. Uh, welcome to our little, not really little, huge, pod, where the two of us constantly have liquid coming out of our eyes and tell you what caused it.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

You know?

SPEAKER_03 0:45

She means tears. I feel like that could be misconstrued infections. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Yeah. Very, very scientific description of what we're here for, which is to get into our feelings a little bit. Make them less scary, make them more fun in the way that only your two best friends could.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

I like that. I felt like you were talking to a toddler, you know, like just explaining.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

So welcome.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Thanks for sticking around here. Thanks for having us. If you're new here, welcome, as Nin says. If you're old here, welcome back, Crybabies. We're in for another hour-long episode. We've been getting into the past one hour mark, and I know we were a little nervous at first. We were like, oh, in the past, we would try to get like 59 minutes and 30 seconds, but we did it, baby. But you know what? Like, who cares? Literally, it's it's 30 more seconds. Here's the thing everyone's like, honestly, I wish they were longer. Yeah. Everyone. Truly. Yeah. You know? And if not, you're not our target audience.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Like, honestly, yeah, it's fine. Yeah. You'll find something. Not as funny, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

How are you? I'm good. This is a little different. We're recording in the evening. I know. We usually record in daytime, so the energy feels a little, a little different, but it's exciting. I feel like this is gonna knock their socks off.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Yeah. They're all probably listening to this while getting ready in the morning or driving to work. When do you usually listen to podcasts? Driving. Yeah. I mean, your commutes are like 15 minutes top, so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Oh, on my walks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

That's nice.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

Lower my blood sugar post-meal. Hack. Walk after you eat. Move your body? Move your body. Wait, that's good for you. Exercise, yeah. Sources? Not really proven. No clinical studies. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Um, how are

Recap: Nins watched Queen Charlotte

SPEAKER_00 2:58

you? Um, oh, I've been like waiting to tell you something. Oh. I finally watched Queen Charlotte. Oh, you did? I did. Oh, what did you think? I thought it was really okay. Let me just say, Corey Milchreast, why were there not more scenes of him? Every time he left, I was like, uh.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

Yeah. Come back. Oh, listeners, for context, Ninja's telling me this because I talked about Queen Charlotte sometime, I think it was last fall, like fall 2024. You'll find it. Just Google.

unknown 3:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Yeah. It was really nice.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yeah. A little, a little sad. A little bit. Well, it's been like a month now since I've watched it, but that entire week, I was like, do you love me? Like, I and I kept telling Lou, like, I was like, you have to say from the from the moment.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Like I was like, you have to pause if you say moment, like in the middle.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

That was really good. You got me a little bit. Did the entire week from anywhere in the house. My heart. Do you love me? Okay. Did he enjoy that?

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Did he watch it with you or no? So he was just like, this is fucking bullshit. I hate this. No. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

No. It's he loves everything I tell him about.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Of course. I mean, I told him about it. And he also like listened to your story of it. Yeah, because he actually listens to our podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Jomar, that's a jab. He was like, I listen. Whatever. You know what he said once? He was like, to me, he was like, well, Ariana like always tells me what she's going to talk about. So I don't really feel the need to like listen to the episode.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

And he's like, fuck my story, Jomar.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

It's only my podcast. It's a solo thing. Yeah. Wow. Fuck me. Crazy thing to say. To me. I'm so sorry. And he just walked on by like. No, he that just, you know what? I if I were you, I would take that as a compliment. Like, that's how much, like, that's how close he feels to you that he feels like he can just be like, fuck you and walk away. You know? Like he doesn't do that to everyone. So you know what I mean. Yeah. Love you too, Jomar. It's really special.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Anyway, I'm glad. I'm glad you enjoyed. Yeah, that was fun. Uh, fun. Not really. But um, Corey's doing it for me. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I got. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

That's what I got.

Storytime: our first Vegas trip

SPEAKER_03 5:30

Okay. Oh, I will say this is airing mid-November, and shortly after this, I will be going with you to Las Vegas. I hit up the old stomping grounds from 10, 12 years ago. I guess it is your stomping grounds because you did live there for a little bit. Yeah, but you know, it was like it's the place that we went to when we were 21. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Well, your literal 21st birthdays because I was the last one in our group of friends to turn 21. Yeah. Because I was a grade younger than everybody.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

Wait, can I just tell this funny story of Min's birthday? We were in line to see Kendrick Lamar. So baby. We had no clue what we were doing. Was wearing white. It was her birthday. You were wearing white, right? And you were like, oh, it's my birthday. It was your birthday. Yeah. We meet this bitch online who's a tangential friend, acquaintance. Like, we know someone in our group knows her. Okay. And you were like, oh my God, it's my birthday. And she's like, oh my God, it's my birthday too. And she was like, my birthday was like January 4th. And you were like, bitch, it's no, today's my fucking birthday. You were like, you were so mad. You were like, the fuck? It's no, it's actually my birthday. Oh shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:43

Remember that. Oh my God. It was so funny. You know, I always think about like how many memories I have of you that you probably don't remember.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

So many. Like so many of me that you re say them back to me, and I'm like, that didn't happen. Not in my memory bank.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yeah. Just too intertwined. No. But anyway. To future nins and arns. Have fun in Vegas. Have fun. Stay hydrated. All right. Alrighty. Here we go.

SPEAKER_03 7:11

Here we go.

Nins: "Higher" by Tems

SPEAKER_00 7:19

I think you're starting us off. I am starting us off today. Good thing I'm going first, I think, because Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

Another heavy one. Another. Every week, week after week. Have we had super heavy ones? We come here and you make me cry. Not real breeze.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

But yeah, this one's a little okay. Hmm. So I did not do this on purpose, but almost exactly a year ago from this episode drop, we released episode 20. And during this episode, I talked about a song called Me and You by Thames. And I remember the week that I wrote that story. It's like honestly, I was kind of fucked up that week. I was just like scrambling around, like super tied up with work. And I remember when I put that story together, it was like almost a rush job. Like I was like, ah, like staying up late into the night, like didn't sleep that much. And I mean, don't get me wrong, I like worked really hard on that story, but I wasn't able to do what I had initially tried to do, which was talk about two songs from Thames. And on the episode itself, I was like, oh, like I just didn't have the capacity to talk about this other song. And I will eventually get to it in a future episode. And babe, the future is now. You know what I mean? Chills. So for today, we will be diving into another song by one of my favorite artists, Thames. Sources for today, again, my heart. Just your heart. All in here. Do you need anything else? I do. I needed a few notes. Okay, okay, all right, sorry. Continue, please. So aside from obviously the song itself, um, tweets from Tim's Twitter account and an interview Thames did for Power 106 Radio in Los Angeles. So if you're a real one, a true crybaby, you will have already listened to episode 20, where I first talked about Thames and shed some light on her background. And um, like not to toot my own horn, but I like even though I really like kind of scrambled to put that story together, I'm still really proud of that one. Like, I think that was still a really good one. Really good one. So uh check it out.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Um wait, also, what do you mean not to toot my own horn? We're tooting our fucking horns here. Toot toot. Listen to the episode, it's it's fucking amazing. So that's I think that's what you meant to say. So, but go on.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Anyway. But just to recap some of the context, the context, Thames is an Afro Beats and RB singer from Nigeria and has been making music since around 2018. She was steadily gaining notoriety through YouTube, where she uploaded songs she wrote and produced herself. Kind of like how you and I like write our own stories and like produce them and upload them ourselves. You know what I mean? We share that in common. So then in 2020, she released her first EP called For Your Ears Only, which can I just say a fucking gorgeous work of art? Like, what the fuck? You know, just how? But on this EP is a song called Higher, and that's the song that we'll be talking about today. And this song is a song that I've loved for years now. If you vibe with like a soulful, almost hypnotic type of RB slash afro beat ballad, you're gonna fucking love this song. It's one of those songs that like I play when I'm just trying to like chill out at home, just kind of like decompress and just you know, vibe. And you you know you're singing along to it and you're like, oh, this is really pretty, this is really calming. No fucking clue what it's about. Nope, none, whatever. Cares. Not me. I care, I care a lot. So last year I saw Thames in concert. Again, shout out Tiny, my sister who went with me. But during this concert, Thames sang an acoustic version of this song higher. I love a fucking acoustic version, please. Because it changes the entire experience of the song. Different song. When it's stripped like that, and you're just like, and so that's exactly what it was like. It was a completely different song. And even though I had been listening to the song for years, for the first time as I'm listening to her sing it live, I was like, wait a minute. The emotions behind the song are painful. Like she's hurting here. And so I was like, uh, I should probably pay attention to the lyrics. And this will come up again later, but it's it's not surprising that I wasn't paying too closely to the lyrics because Thames, again, is from Nigeria. And she also spent a few years during her childhood in the UK. So her English is very, very accented. And so sometimes when she sings her songs, the lyrics don't necessarily come through. And again, this will come up later. But with all that said, it doesn't make the song any less of a spiritual experience or any of her music in general. So I have since looked up the words and, you know, like kind of gathered what the song was about. And again, not to keep referencing this other story that I did on Thames, but I just love her artistry so much because I just feel like the things that she sings about are so reflective and they're so big in their concepts and in their feelings. Like her song Me and You, when she talked about was her personal relationship with God, at least the universe. And it's like, excuse me. Fuck me up. You know what I mean? And then this one is just, you'll see. I'll hear. You'll hear. But to be honest, in retrospect, I'm I'm actually really glad that I wasn't able to cover those two songs as I had originally intended to, because one, they both deserve their own spotlight. And two, personally, I think that this song has grown to be so much more meaningful for me, especially with certain things kind of happening in my life right now. I find that I understand it so much more and I'm finding so much more solace in its message. So I'm gonna play it for you now. I think considering that I've been loving this song for five years and I'm only now comprehending its message, I'll give you a little cheat code before I press play and just share that this song is about feeling weighed down by a difficult relationship and wanting to break free from that. And of course, we're gonna listen to the acoustic version just to make the experience that much more sadistic, obviously. So if you'd like to listen before we dive into the meaning, again, this is Higher by Thames, and we'll be watching her open mic live performance of the song for Genius, which is linked in our show notes.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

I love a fucking open mic. Dude, please. Right? Oh damn.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

Have you heard that song before? Well, you're gonna know the fuck out of it right now. Okay. Let's let's do this, I guess. Let's break this sucker down. Honestly, though, if you haven't heard the song yet, it's really worth it to just stop this pod for a few minutes because I j I like I don't even know how to describe her music. It's just so beautiful. It's so spiritual. Like, I don't like I've never heard anything like it.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

Her voice is not of this world. It's it's just pulling.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Why? Like it's just so full of wisdom. I don't know. Yeah. So please, if you haven't already, just play it. And the acoustic version will cut you like a knife. But like the one on her EP vibe. Bop. Fucking bop. Damn. Like it's crazy. But anyway, let's let's dissect the shit out of these lyrics so that you too can be scarred for life. Okay. So verse one. Tell me why you're crying now. Kinney, big deal. In Nigeria, the word kinny is a Yoruba word that means what? So what is the big deal? When you gave me something I don't really feel, but you knew that already. When I found you on the ground, you were dying. Now you come into my yard uninvited. Can you see me on the edge? I'm enlightened. So in this verse, Thames is yet again trying to comfort this damaged person that we can assume she has some long-standing relationship with. But she's long recognized that as much as she's trying to help and comfort this person, she's not really getting anything in return out of this relationship. This person has been broken even before she came and is demanding more from her than she wants to give. And she's at this breaking point now when she finally has this moment of clarity when she asks herself this next question. If the world was ending, would you cry or would you try to get me? Tell me now. I want you to be clear, yeah. Tell me now, I need you to be clear. I won't wait for you. So she realizes that this person that she is trying to take care of would rather wallow in their own misery than do anything to save her in return. If the world was ending, would you cry or would you try to get me? She knows the answer and therefore she knows she can't stay. Verse 2 Get me. Can you put the time on a rewind? Yeah. Help me understand. Can you tell me now why you made the war that we're fighting now? And you fall and you run. When you see my big guns, run around, run away. As the rebel comes out, then you call, call on me. When you call me, I come, but there you go again. So in this verse, Thames is reflecting back on everything, wanting so desperately to understand why? Why do you keep pushing me away? Why do you keep hurting me? Why do you always want to fight? We're stuck in this toxic cycle. Because just when I want to forgive you and fix this, there you go again. Next verse. With your deaf ears, open your mind to the sound of the trumpet. What do you want from a life of the hopeless? Now you're here and you're begging and crying. I want to fly. I'm flying till morning. Running away to the land of discovery. Running away from the suffering, I'm gone. Running away from the darkness, I'm out here. Here there's so much there's so much anger and frustration and almost this bewilderment. Like, oh my god, can't you see how much music is out there if you could just open your heart to it? But instead, you want to just stay in the state of sadness and wallow. And I can't stay here with you. So here she finally leaves and runs away from all this suffering. And the last verse of the song Higher than all the limits, going away beyond the noise and your feelings. When you speak, all I can hear is silence. Running back from all the pain and violence. Big tunes. Now it's big tunes I'm killing. Cry now from the side now. Call my name. Fall down when you see me. You know that. You know that I won't stay for you. I won't wait for you. I won't wait for you. I won't wait for you. At the end of the song, Thames has broken free. She's left. When she does, she soars higher than all the limits. She's been feeling so weighed down by all the negativity and held back from growing and expanding on her own while trapped in this relationship. And once she chooses to leave, she flies. She's so high up now that she can't even hear him anymore. And her life is elevated and free and big. And he's just there watching her from down below. So that's the song. Bop. Hilarious. Just like a really feel-good song. Lively. Yeah. I think that for anyone that has experienced a really difficult relationship. It can feel so heavy and so draining. Constantly going back and forth in your own mind. What else can I do or say to make this person see balancing, keeping the peace, while wanting to protect your own heart? But at some point you have to recognize that no matter how much we love someone who is broken or hurting, they just can't heal if they don't want to. And that's not your fault. At some point you just have to choose yourself. And when you do, when you make that decision for you, for your peace, you will fly. So thanks, Thames, for that devastating truth. Now I want to spend a few minutes talking about kind of a funny turn of events after this song was released. I mean, it's funny already. This is non-stop humor here. But part of the reason Tem's career really blew the fuck up, especially in the last two years, is because the rapper Future sampled this song in his own single, Wait for You, featuring Drake. And this song was huge, and it actually won a Grammy in 2023. And in his song, he takes the lines of Tem singing, I Won't Wait For You, and edits it in such a way that it actually sounds like she's saying, I will wait for you. Which makes sense given the context of this future song. And because of the popularity of this future song, people kind of just ran with it. They just didn't question what Thames was singing in the original. Again, also people having trouble deciphering with her accent. But it's weird, it's like it kind of changes the meaning of the song, right? This small switch of words. And no one realizes this until she tweets in 2024. Maybe now it's time for me to confess that it was always I won't wait for you. But I sang it in a British accent. So it came out as one. So everyone's like, what the fuck? And so then she goes on this Power 106 radio show, and they're asking her about this. And she's like, I'm paraphrasing here. She's like, Well, when the future song came out, I just didn't say anything. I just allowed it because I just thought it's so stressful to correct.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

And then she's like, I was just feeling cheeky one day. And I was like, by the way, enough time has passed.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

It's okay. I can tell you, it's actually won't.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

So they're like, uh, so like what do you do now at concerts? Or like when you say this, like do people still say will instead of won't?

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Like, what do you do? And she kind of just laughs it off. And she's like, honestly, I don't even fucking know what I say anymore. I think I say like won't like a combination of the two.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Just so that no matter what you want to hear, you'll hear it. Fuck, I knew that's where this is going. God damn it. Wait, give me a second. I knew it. God damn it, Dems. So the whole turn of event, I mean, it's kind of funny, right? But it's also but also in a way, kind of perfect. Do you want to just finish my story? Please. Fuck. Just finish. Kind of funny, but in a way, kind of perfect.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Because I imagine that when Thames wrote this song, it must have come from a place of anger, right? This refusal to wait any longer. Dude, I'm fucking done. I'm leaving. I'm over this. But in this interview that she gives, there is such a freeness to her now, a lightness, right? She's not tied to that pain anymore, and she's fine with people singing, I will. And as I'm like thinking about this, I'm like, well, isn't that what it truly means to ascend? To elevate. Letting that anger go. I think if you relate to this song at all and find yourself reaching that higher plane, you too will get to that point where you realize that the anger has finally vanished. And once you do, I hope that you too can then look back and sing, you know what? From up here, maybe I can wait for you. Because this peace I feel, this healing that I've experienced, I want that for you too. And maybe I'm not quite there yet. And that's okay. Because our journeys are they're meant to take time. But the good news is that I can take this fucking bop with me and find solace in all its different meanings. No matter where I am on that journey. So thank you, Thames, for serenading me along the way.

SPEAKER_03 29:55

Sorry, let me just You really got me with the Tems said it could be It could be either meaning.

unknown 30:06

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Yeah, do you know how fucking bad it was when I was writing this down? Like just letting it pour over me. Like fuck.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

It's funny because as I was reading the lyrics and we were listening to the song, and she says, I won't wait for you, and she kept repeating at the end.

unknown 30:31

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

Just open the fucking lyrics. God damn it. It struck me that even though she sang, I won't wait for you. It's not a hateful song. It's a song of someone who's understood, like you said, the importance of putting themselves first, who's finally started to do that, and who's finally put that distance between them. And like you said perfectly, is now free, soaring, unburdened, but it's not a it's not it's not vengeful.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

It's a whole right.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

It's like if we keep trying to continuously grow and elevate and uh heal at some point, all this pain and all this animosity that you feel towards the things that hurt you, they just don't exist anymore. It's like you don't have to hold on to that anymore. If you really have found peace, you won't feel that. The peace is so full, it fills you.

SPEAKER_03 31:58

Thanks for sharing. I know things have been weighing really heavily on you, but this was a really beautiful way for you to share that truth with me and with everyone listening. And I think that's part of you, you healing, you showing up as yourself is sharing this piece of you too.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Yeah. In a way it is personal, but I feel like when we share our stories, it's it's not just for us anymore, you know? I know it's fun to talk about the latest book and talk about this really cool movie or whatever. Those are the things that are joyful, but the reality of life is that sometimes things are hard. And even though we try to be this kind of comforting corner of the internet here on this couch, I just I know that our listeners here who are still hurting somewhat and whatever pain that looks like, I just I hope that. I hope that by me being authentic and vulnerable you feel seen. I think there's still a lot of comfort in that. You're never alone. Mm-hmm. Me, Tams, it's a party, dude. Big vibes. I like almost want to play you the I'll just play you like 30 seconds of the album version. Yes. It's like, ooh, you know. Sorry, that's a different song. Um, oh, let me play you the future song too. So you can hear the sample. Yeah. It does sound like I will wait for you. Like, no question when you hear it there.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

But we hear what we want to hear, we hear what we're ready to hear. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

You know what I mean? Sick dude. That was really fun. That was probably the funniest story that I've ever done. I've never laughed so hard. Right? Yeah. Like peed my pants, laughing so hard here. Yeah. Liquid coming out all over. No. Yeah. Sweat, tears, pee. Yeah. Anyway. Alright. My god, I'm just so like I'm so I'm so grateful that I have this couch, you know, like if I wasn't forced to come up with some shit to say, you know, like, and just think about things, I feel like that would have just stayed very tightly wrapped up in me. And so I guess, I guess I just want to end it with a thank you for just allowing me to fucking lay it all out and like just express my gratitude that I found my way to this. And I just like you said, like, I just I have a way to heal. Like it's just such a it's such a wonderful outlet.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

I'm grateful to help create this space for you to feel that. Listening to that, I'm still not done because it's so long. The Jay Shetty and Emma Watson podcast episode. But the part where she says every time she's worried about sharing something, she's stopped and reminded herself, wait, but what about all those times someone has chosen me to share that space with? And how grateful I've been to be on the receiving end of that friendship. So I feel just as grateful.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

She's not just talking to me, you guys. She's talking to you. Oh yeah, wait, who else?

SPEAKER_01 36:23

There's other people here.

unknown 36:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Okay. All right. Okay. Enough. Enough for now.

Arns: flight delay

SPEAKER_03 36:37

We're staying in this hole or what? No, no, no. Okay. No, no. We're not staying in this hole. That's good. All right. I guess I could do this. I guess I'll read this little essay that I wrote. I mean, that's what we do every other week. It's funny because there is a version of me, much, much younger me, who would have been, I was gonna say horrified, but maybe more in awe that I willingly choose to write papers. Write papers and then read them out loud.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Like, what? I literally can't believe that I do that either. I'm like, I'm 32.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

What the fuck am I doing like late at like 10 30 on a document? Like, hello. Move on.

SPEAKER_03 37:27

Oh my god. No, this is this is the stuff I should have been writing back then. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

All right.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Okay. All right. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Refocus. Different story.

unknown 37:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 37:46

All right. I've actually been sitting on this story for a while too. Sick. A few days ago, you and I were talking about how it's so interesting how we write our stories so differently because you like to absorb whatever it was. Oh, yes, yes. And then take time apart from it, come back to it, and then write about it after you've processed your feelings. Whereas I like to cry and then pull up notion and do like a talk-to-text thing in the middle of the snotty tears. It's the only way I can write a story, basically. Interesting. Yeah. And then I write the context, like I fill in the gaps after, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

I mean, sorry, sorry to disrupt, but I feel like it's not necessarily like, oh, I need to write a story. It's more of like just how we both process high emotions. I've noticed this too. Like if I am feeling really, really sad or really, really angry or whatever, I like I will not be productive. Like I I just have to sit in it. And oftentimes, like Lula asks me, like, do you want to talk about it? And I was like, I can't yet. Like I like, I actually can't, because I don't even know like what I'm feeling. And so I have to like wait till I get back to a neutral zone so that I can even analyze like why was I like that?

unknown 39:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

But it's just interesting to know because I know that's what exactly what we were talking about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

Like how we process things so differently. For anyone who's into human design, we're both projectors, but Ninth is an emotional authority. So no idea what that means. Exactly what you just said. That's it. That's all it means. It's like it's in your it's literally in your fucking chart. But no, I I feel like I like to write my stories in the thick of it because that's when I feel like the words are closest to my heart. It's like I don't even think, it just comes out of me. Yeah. I can't think about it. If I think too hard about it, then it the message changes. So what about you guys? Drop us a comment. Let's pause. Let them let them talk for a minute. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I feel like.

SPEAKER_00 39:59

Steve from Blues Clues.

SPEAKER_03 40:00

Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I would do.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

Yeah. Well, we're all different. Love you, Steve. Also a great episode. This whole episode is us shouting out our episodes.

SPEAKER_03 40:10

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:11

Toot toot. Okay, I'm gonna start now. I'm gonna start. Sorry, I need a light of the mood.

SPEAKER_03 40:18

I just need a okay, okay. Okay, so today uh I'm gonna talk about my trip to Europe. Ooh. She's a traveler. She's a traveler. She's jet-life. I um yeah, this happened a few months ago. So when I say I've been sitting on it, like I obviously I wrote it when I was in Europe, technically, or the the meat of it. Okay. But this was a big trip for us. Last time I was in Europe, newly pregnant, first trimester. Really, not really pregnant, felt really pregnant, huffing and puffing up those staircases in Portugal, napping every afternoon. But this time was different because the baby was outside of me and she was like a jet lag toddler. I know I told you this already, Nins, but I'll share with the crybabies. Sana did not really sleep those first four nights. And that was really hard. Nor did she sleep the first four months of her life.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

No.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yeah, so okay. Anyway, let me start this story. Okay, so we started our ch I'm just gonna, if I start my story, I'm gonna go through my whole itinerary. So we started our trip in Copenhagen. Very child-friendly city, if you have a toddler. But in general, I think Europe is just they like children more, they're more conducive to that environment. So parks everywhere, cardamom buns, cinnamon rolls. Anyways, then we went to Italy. I really, I really skipped through there. Sorry. Uh to the Danish listening, I love your I love your country, but that's just that's not what we're talking about today. I'm so sorry. Okay. So then afterwards, found ourselves in Italy. And by found ourselves, I mean I meticulously planned our route. Oh! Bought all the fucking tickets. Um but anyway, in Italy, we went to this charming little town called Lucca. Also amazing for children. It's nicknamed the Walled City because it has these huge medieval walls that go around the perimeter. Geography. Perimeter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's an engineer. Um, and you could there's No, I'm not. I failed one class. More of an engineer than I can I just say what the fuck? Like anything past geometry, algebra two, uh-huh, trig calculus. Why? To exercise your brain. No bearing at all on anything in here. Did not contribute to my development. In fact, probably killed some of my brain cells. Right.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

The sign Cotan? Sure. Do we need it? What has it really done? Acute and obtuse. That's all I need to know.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Okay, let's get back. You brought us there.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

You brought us there.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

I know, but it's just it's one of my biggest gripes with the education system. Okay. Perimeter. Perimeter. I used the word perimeter. I don't know why I didn't just read it. Okay, so then we rented a bike where it's like a bench with two bikes in the back. We stuck sauna in the front. There was one point where we were biking, and I closed my eyes, and I could feel the wind in my hair, and I'm wearing this beautiful vintage skirt that my my mom gave me, and I have never felt more free. It was I did cry. But that's not what we're talking about, people. I'm just giving you a taste. Were you higher? God damn it. Okay. Anyway, after Luca, we drove about an hour and a half away to Chinquatere. Chinquatere, I love you. You're stunning. I would never go there with a child. Never. Stairs everywhere. No stroller axes. At one point, we are like we're literally walking on this cliffside path between two of the towns. It's so high up, and for that whole mile, I'm like clinging to the fucking rocks, like walking like this, kind of shuffling along. And because you know, no strollers, I'm like also holding sauna. And like I like almost shit my pants. It was just really hard. More liquid. More solid. Depends on how much fire beer you ate that day. Yeah, yeah. With the pasta, yeah. Um, but anyway, okay. But danger aside, stunning, stunning views. Again, I cried. But that's not, again, what we're talking about today. Okay, so after Cinquitare, we flew to London where we eventually ended our trip. I did cry in London too. There was one moment where I was just like looking up at the trees and seeing the sunlight filter through. Cried. Okay. Um anyway. Now that I've shared my cuckoo context, which is my itinerary, I'm gonna actually talk about the thing that made me big cry. And that was our six-hour flight delay. So this started out like any normal travel day. We wake up at an ungodly hour to pack. We get a cab to bring us to the Pisa Airport. We get through security, we're totally on time for our noon flight. At this point, Sauna is completely over the pizza and the pasta and the focaccia. Girly wants the vegetable. So we're trying to get to London, immerse ourselves in that culinary diversity. Anyway, so we board the plane, we find our seats, we strap in, the plane starts taxiing. It's taking kind of a long time, but that's like it's normal. Happens. Were you reading a book? No, I have a child. Oh, okay. I wish. Okay, so then come to a complete stop. And the dreaded voice of our British Airways pilot comes over the intercom. Ladies and gentlemen. Ooh, wow, that sounds weird. I regret to inform you. Basically, okay, I'm not gonna do the whole. Basically, like one of the doors has accidentally opened, somehow like nicked the engine, looks fine, but we're not gonna Sure, yeah. We're not gonna take chances here.

SPEAKER_00 46:56

Yeah, usually the door is right in line of sight of an engine. Yes, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

Yeah. We now need to get an engineer who is contracted with the airline to make sure the engine is in tip-top shape. But the closest contracted engineer is in Florence, which is one hour away. So we anticipate this delay to take at minimum three hours. So we're gonna ask you to deplane, and as an apology, we're gonna give you an $8 food voucher. Aww, that's so sweet. Britain. I know. Okay, so we're all this is for the revolution. So we're all a little bummed, obviously. In a previous life, I totally would have whipped out my phone and started frantically looking for alternative flights to London. And I do feel the slightest urge to do that in this moment, but then I remember after almost five years in therapy and a shit ton of inner child work, shadow work, all of that, I am not my anxiety. This part of me, this type A Virgo survivalist arns, completely shot nervous system. She is actually a tool that I can harness at will when I need her. And I don't need her, so before I can even start, I just stop. Because in this moment, for some reason, I just know that everything is gonna be fine. Because it always is. But alas, we shuffle down the alarmingly steep steps. They are very steep, you know, like getting into the plane.

SPEAKER_00 48:38

All the private jets I have flown, I'm like, yeah. You don't think that when you see all the pictures that I post on my feed.

unknown 48:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

Anyway, we collect our $8 snack vouchers, and then we wait. And we wait and we wait. And at this point, Sana is so overdue for a nap. Dangerous territory. Jomie is walking around the terminal trying to get her to fall asleep in his arms, and she's not having it, so we have to switch, and so I'm like hauling around this 30-pound child, like she's an infant, trying to get her to fall asleep. She finally falls asleep, and we find some empty chairs in the far corner of the gate, and then we settle into our seats. I'm holding Sauna in kind of an awkward position, so I can't really reach into my pockets, I can't grab my ear pods, watch anything. So all I can really do is observe everyone around me. And when I really start to look, I am floored by what I see. A couple reading each other pages from their freshly purchased books. You can tell because they're both at the beginning of their books. A mom and a dad taking turns, chasing their toddler up and down the gate over and over again. The mom will sit down, the dad will chase her, then they'll switch places. A husband in the middle of pulling off his sweatshirt, his wife pausing him right as his arms are still overhead to plant a kiss on his mouth. Two middle-aged sisters who look so much alike, you know they were mistaken as twins their whole lives. The only giveaway is one of them has a few more wrinkles, kind of grayer hair. Even the way they stand is so similar. That same couple reading their novels watch over each other's bags as they take turns, slowly shuffling to the bathroom. A dad doing some outlandish dance in the middle of the aisle to make his two boys laugh. A brother and a sister leaning over their mom, who sits right between them. They're passing a can of Pringles back and forth. $8 voucher. Everywhere, arms linked, fingers intertwined, heads resting on shoulders. And when I look down, sauna napping in my arms, her drool staining my shirt, and Jomie carefully feeding me bites of my $8 chocolate muffin. I remember that these are the quiet moments we live for. We're always gonna be wowed by breathtaking views in seaside towns. But the moments we remember most are the ones in limbo. Were we frustrated by the delay, angry, huffing and puffing about the inconvenience of it all? Or did we see this liminal moment for what it could be a gift from the universe? Slow down. It whispered to me. See how life moves around you. You have nowhere to be but here. Nothing to do but exist. There is beauty in these moments. But now is your chance to watch it unfold. When the flight attendant finally announces, six hours later, that our plane is fixed, we all whoop for joy. We're cheering, we're beaming at each other, everyone's scrambling to line up again. And we don't even realize it, but we've in these past six hours connected with each other in a way that only people who have been stuck in a terminal for six hours can. The glances are kinder, gentler. As we settle back into our seats, there's lots of long time no see. Everywhere, strangers who have become neighbors. The relief, the lightness, the laughter, the gratitude is palpable. The first time we boarded that plane, we were all on autopilot, going through the motions. But the second time there's a buzz in the air. Now we're awake. Now we're living. Not all delays are like this. Sometimes life really fucking sucks. Plans go awry, you're tired, you're angry, you miss your connecting flight. And when those feelings come up, by all means, feel them. If you can safely do so, release them. But if we can train our minds, like we do any muscle, to look for good instead of always expecting bad. That's the difference between six hours spent in misery and six hours spent in awe. This isn't toxic positivity. This isn't suppressing negative feelings, pretending we're fine. This isn't letting life happen to us and giving up agency. What this is is a redirecting, a reclaiming. I choose to believe that everything unfolds beautifully for me. I choose to find magic in the mundane. I choose to believe that an hour-long flight delay is the universe urging me to witness love everywhere I look. Maybe you're out there listening and you think I'm a fool. That's not how the world works. But I know how you feel because I spent most of my life feeling that way. But maybe it isn't maybe it isn't so foolish to hope to look for good even in the darkest of corners. Maybe it isn't so foolish to connect with strangers over your shared fate and to relax into the knowing that everything works out exactly as it's meant to. Maybe it's actually really, really brave.

SPEAKER_00 55:20

I'm reading a sentence from my story, which is that when you do, when you make that decision for your peace, you will fly.

SPEAKER_02 55:32

Which is what you did right after when you were reading it, I was like, it I didn't think it was possible. I didn't think it was possible, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:44

It was maybe one of my favorite parts of the whole trip. I think I felt as you were reading your story, even though totally not the same context, I felt a lot of those same feelings in that moment because it it would have been really easy to be angry, but finding that peace, I just felt I felt so lucky in that terminal. Yeah. And I I know not everyone felt that way, but it it flooded me. And I think when you were saying in your story that, you know, you find your peace and you can kind of look back and maybe even extend a hand out, you know, like maybe you will wait, but I feel like in both our stories there's this there's this truth under it, which is that we have that choice.

SPEAKER_00 56:42

Right? Yeah. Do you want to choose sadness and anger? Or will you choose peace and joy? Yeah. And I totally get that it's so much easier said than done. I I'm still learning to choose peace myself. So if you too are struggling with that, hopefully these two stories kind of put things in perspective for you the way that it made us think a little bit differently, too. Yeah. And I and I hear what you're saying about, you know, some people who are not ready to view it that way will call us foolish or naive, right? But it's like if I don't romanticize my life, then it's kind of ugly. And why would I want that? I do it for me, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:39

That's all you really can do, right? Yeah. In that moment, too, when I was in that terminal, it was like I was really doing it for me. Yeah. And I think the whole easier said than done is really reflected in our two stories because I think being stuck in a terminal is a little different from being stuck in a relationship. But I think it's still that same feeling. I I feel like it really has been something I've had to practice. I said this in my story, but just like any other muscle, it's like you really have to uh almost unlearn the pessimism.

SPEAKER_00 58:21

Unlearn and just slowly let it go. You know? Yeah. I fucking

Outro

SPEAKER_00 58:28

feel it. God. Yeah. These late night ones, it's like nine o'clock.

SPEAKER_03 58:33

I feel uh a little crazy. I genuinely do feel like it's harder for me to string thoughts together. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't feel like I have this brain fog when I like I don't have a hard I I don't have as like this. This doesn't happen when we're recording and like when the sun's out.

SPEAKER_00 58:52

Yeah, I guess that's true. That's interesting. Also, I kind of just fucked both of us up that first story, so yeah, not surprised. Energy's kind of weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she brought some weird vibes today.

SPEAKER_03 59:05

No, that no, don't say that. That's the point.

SPEAKER_01 59:10

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 59:12

Uh well, you know, that's what we got for you today. That's what we got. Did you like it? Pause. Yeah, we did too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:24

That's great to hear.

SPEAKER_04 59:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:28

Uh thanks for tuning in. Was this one a little more unhinged than others in that energy was all over the place? No, because honestly, the energy between each episode is so volatile. I know we've talked about this in the past. It really is. Like the Halloween energy, I think we're also like, what the fuck is happening? Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. I blame the costume. Yeah, the costumes are a little. But anyway, thanks for tuning in.

SPEAKER_00 59:55

Um, yeah. Thanks for lending us your ear for an hour. And loving all these different versions of us.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:01

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Appreciate it. If you loved this, no, actually, even if you just liked it, uh, go ahead. Leave us a five-star review. Apple, Spotify. You can leave us a comment on Spotify. Find us on all our socials at beer be crying.podcast. Totally forgot to mention this at the beginning. We got some merch. So find us on Instagram where we announce all that stuff. And uh if you want to send us a sob story, something that made you cry, if you want to share some material that you think would make us cry, send us a note, hello at beer be cryingpodcast.com or submit a form on our website. Mm-hmm and tell a friend about us. And tell a friend about us.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:46

All right. That's it. I hope that today's episode or any of the episodes, I hope that you find something something useful in there. Something funny, something you relate to. If you can find even just one thing, then we have done our job. I just saluted. I forgot. It's a podcast, so. Thanks, crybabies. Thanks, crybabies. Love ya. Love ya. Talk to you later. T T Y L. But until then, beer bee.