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023: "seed of a seed" & "draco malfoy and the mortifying ordeal of being in love": yearning, love, & simple joys

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0:00 | 54:26

In this Valentine's Day special of brb crying, Arns and Nins explore two very different stories that arrive at the same question: what does it mean to love deeply?

Arns reflects on "Seed of a Seed" by Haley Heynderickx, the indie folk song about slowing down, resisting consumer culture, and finding happiness in life's simplest gifts. Through Heynderickx's music and philosophy, she explores love, contentment, free time, human connection, and the quiet beauty of an ordinary life.

Then Nins dives into Draco Malfoy & the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare (Brigitte Knightley), the beloved Dramione fanfiction that has become legendary among romance readers. Through sharp banter, impossible yearning, enemies-to-lovers tension, and one unforgettable slow burn romance, the story captures the pleasure and misery of falling in love.

Together, these stories spark a conversation about desire, vulnerability, soulmates, choosing a slower life, finding joy in ordinary moments, and why love often arrives exactly where logic tells us it shouldn't.

Content warning: discussion of anxiety, violence, romantic obsession, emotional distress, and references to war-related trauma.

0:00 - Intro
3:56 - Arns: Seed of a Seed
23:22 - Nins: Dramione fanfic
52:27 - Outro

Referenced in this episode:

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brb crying—hosted by longtime best friends Nins & Arns—is a podcast where we explore the songs, books, TV shows, films, pop culture moments, and personal stories that help us laugh, cry, heal, and feel a little less alone. Crying is our superpower, and by sharing what makes us cry in a way that makes us laugh, we show how crying helps us connect with ourselves and each other.

Intro

SPEAKER_03

Hi, I'm Angela Nann.

SPEAKER_02

I'm Ariana Kempis.

SPEAKER_03

And this is BRB Crying.

SPEAKER_02

Hello everyone. Welcome back to BRB Crying. I'm Ariana, also known as Arnes.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm Angela, also known as Ninz. And wow, I did not think about how I'm introducing this show today. I thought that you never do, and it's on the fly every single time. No. Sometimes I think about it's like a it's like a nice shower thought. Hmm, what should I say this week? Well, what do you got? What do you got for us? All right, let's see. So come on, come on. This is a pod where two charming young women. Very young, yes, sit here. We yap about mind-blowing shit. It's a good time.

SPEAKER_00

And we cry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Beer be crying. Something about crying and like talking about it, you know?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

In like a like fun, approachable, variable way. Something like that. Something along those lines, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You've done better. But I'll take it. I'll take it. Because you know what?

SPEAKER_03

I can't I can't do better than that. So um, yeah, welcome. Welcome to our show. Um, now that I've collected myself a little bit, we are about to dive into things that have made us cry. And uh it's gonna be fucking sick. So hope you're excited about it.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. And today happens to be our very oh so special Valentine's Day episode. What? Yeah. Love. Love. Uh I can't necessarily say that mine is like, oh, super, super Valentine's Day coded. Okay. It's just like about love, which I feel like is every story that I talk about. Every story that we talk about. So you're talking about it. It's so crazy. Mine's about love too. Yeah. Yeah. So uh so you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

Like Valentine's Day, sure. Yeah. We're so happy to be here, by the way.

SPEAKER_03

Love being here. Are you big Valentine's Day girly? Val Gal?

SPEAKER_02

Uh not really.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's fine. You're kind of.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I you know what? I love a good theme holiday. Yeah. You know, opportunity to bake. Actually, I used to make a lot of like chocolate strawberries. That was like my like go-to. Well, I never had one. Well, you're not my Valentine.

SPEAKER_01

So I see you you used to make them for your Valentine. Okay, well, you could have specified.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Okay. Well, how are you? Not great. About an hour ago, I hit my shin really bad. It's a long story, but the bruise is already forming. Oh shit. Can you see the bump? I can. Yeah, it's fucking crazy, right? Wow.

SPEAKER_03

So I'm not good. How are you? Uh been better, you know, but whatever. Who cares? Sick. I love it.

SPEAKER_01

Should we get into it? Oh. Oh, wait, no, you have one announcement.

SPEAKER_02

I do have an announcement. Write us a review on Spotify and or Apple. Send us a screenshot, email it to us, DM it to us, get entered into a drawing to win a beer be crying hat. Short and sweet.

SPEAKER_03

Succinct. Su synced. Wow. Um, I think that's it. That's all I fucking got. Should we fucking dive right in? We should dive.

Arns: Seed of a Seed

SPEAKER_03

Alright. Alright. Looks like you're starting us off.

SPEAKER_02

Looks like it. So, as I mentioned in previous episodes, I'm not gonna do the guessing game intros this season. I'm just gonna tell you how I stumbled across these topics. And that's those are gonna be my intros. Okay. So, a couple months ago, I was hanging out with Jomi, my husband, as I do, and his youngest sister, Jelena, who the rest of the world knows as Blue. And Blue is prime Gen Z. She's my go-to person for all things hip and happening, which I'm sure Gen Z always says, you know, hip and happening. Yeah. Um, but anyway, I had been lamenting that day that I hadn't cried about anything lately, and I was like worried, like, oh no, what am I gonna talk about? Blah blah whatever. And she's like, oh, I need to tell you about this artist that I'm obsessed with. Musical artist. Okay, got it. So Gen Z, so her music taste is way more complex than mine. Oh. I'm stuck in 2005. You know what I mean? Yeah. Eighth grade. But like you, she's a Capricorn. So for some reason, Capricorns love these long winded stories. I swear to God, the top three Capricorns in my life. You, her, my mom. Uh-huh. Like a story, it takes like half an hour. Yeah, get them a mic. All over the place. Well, get them on the pot. I mean, she's like, you know, she's standing, she's pacing, those arm movements. It's really dramatic. But anyway, she's like, I gotta tell you about this artist. She gave us the whole spiel, her cuc-a-ka context, if you will. And then she had us listen to a few songs. And I mean, I knew it would be good because I trust her judgment. But one of the songs she played, I just kind of sat there with my face in my hands and I was just crying, and I was like, oh, I didn't know that's what we were getting into right now.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

So today.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god, I got content. So today shout out blue.

SPEAKER_02

So today I'm just gonna fucking talk about that song. Okay. And it's called Seed of a Seed by Haley Hendricks. Have you heard of her? I feel like I have heard of Haley Hendricks.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know if I know this song. Okay. Oh. I'm also hit and happy. And happening.

SPEAKER_02

All right, my sources for today. There's a little blurb about Haley Hendricks on NPR Music live sessions. And then also Haley Hendricks's own website, which is hailey-hendricks.com, and an episode on a music podcast called ETown. And this was published on November 26, 2024. All right. So some cook-a-cook context. Haley Hendricks, which by the way is not spelled like you would think. It's Haley H A L E Y, but her last name, if anyone wants to look her up right now, is H E Y E N D E R I'm not following. I'm not following this. This isn't for you, it's for the listeners. God, now I have to start all over. H-E-Y E-N-D-E-R-I-C-K-X. Sure. You know what? Sure. She's an indie folk singer-songwriter from Oregon. Again, not her real last name, as we can tell. It's a play on Jimi Hendrix. She's pretty quiet about her personal life, but she was actually born in Stockton to a Filipina mom. Shout out. Shout the fuck out. And an American dad. Then she grew up primarily in Oregon. So per one of my sources, that NPR blurb, she was enrolled in guitar lessons after, quote, having a dream, she was the female Jimi Hendrix. But the only teacher in her small town was this bluegrass instructor, which was like kind of weird, but also it obviously was meant to be because it totally influenced her musical style. So she began her foray into writing and folk music in college. And in 2018, she released her debut album called I Need to Start a Garden. On the surface, her sound is simple and whimsical and longing, I would say, in the way that folk songs often are. And she has this really beautiful kind of talk-singing voice that she accompanies by usually pretty simple acoustics. But what I love is she also doesn't confine herself to a certain sound. So she plays around with tempo and instruments and her volume. In that same NPR article, she jokingly calls her genre doom folk, which I fucking love. But yeah, I figured I would just pause here, play a couple of maybe not full songs, but just Vibes. Vibes. Gotcha. So I'm just gonna play first a little bit of the song The Bug Collector. And this has a casual 110 million views. I swear to God, when I wrote the story, it was 109 million views. I'm just gonna play just the beginning of this song for vibes. So that was the Bug Collector, and that's from her first album. And then I figured I would play you a little bit of Oom Shalala. Just because I don't know if you know this song, but the vibe is very different. Also on the same album.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

And it this becomes relevant later on when I'm explaining. So context. So that was a little bit of oom shalala. And that one is really interesting because towards the end, she's screaming, I need to start a garden. And I love this because it sounds like the way that she's screaming it is so like unhinged, and it's literally like something has been unleashed in her with these words. And you can kind of tell, especially through that song, that a common theme throughout her music is that she's very capitalism critical, and she's always kind of just urging us to step away from our phones and just wake the fuck up. In a separate interview on that podcast that I mentioned earlier, she says that at one point she was sort of watching the music industry crumble. And so she decided to pivot completely, and she was starting to get into foraging and herbalism. And then some kids on TikTok kind of accidentally revitalized her music career. I was gonna say, the Bug Collector is a huge song on TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was I was gonna say, you probably know it because you're on TikTok. But yeah, so so then in November 2024, she finally released her long-awaited sophomore album, Seed of a Seed. And on her website it says, where Hendrix's debut album, I Need to Start a Garden, was about self-actualization and the excavation of the soul. Her new album, Seed of a Seed, is now about protecting it. Hendrix's answer is by going inwards, requiring a brave solitude while also acknowledging that it's not done alone. So if you ever go on her Instagram, it pretty much just exists to promote her music and her tours, but it's so far from being self-indulgent. And it's actually almost unwillingly, it seems like, that she's posting. In the caption announcing this album, she says, Thank you, kind stranger, for believing in the power of artistry. I am not a fan of marketing, being on our phone, promoting brands of any kind. Please let us throw our phones into the ocean and return to trusting strangers and believing that nothing is out to get you. We all deserve healing, kindness, silence, reflection. And the culture at large feels like an antithesis of this. Please continue making weird art and resisting the darkness. There were also some really good quotes in that podcast episode, and she kind of again is joking about how much she fucking hates marketing. I'm like, I get it. Because that's what we do for the pod. And anyway, she she says people are tired of being sold things, and she just wants to make quote unquote slow art. She talks about how we have to be careful knowing what information you're filling into your brains and hearts all the time. I'm just really worried for my generation, just because we didn't get to grow up in a place without this much technology, and I'm just watching it affect my friends and the people around me. And then the host is kind of remarking, like, that must be hard. That's kind of the again, antithesis of this culture that you're so entrenched in. And she says, it's taken a lot. It feels like trying to keep a vessel clean to some degree. When you're just on your phone too much, when you're not taking care of your health, when you start worrying and your anxieties take over, it's very easy to lose the root of tending to your practice and to your muse. Each song felt like a little lesson that took me a long time to learn. So, yeah, there's just so much reverence in how she approaches her art and kind of just her whole life. She's not doing the mindless scroll that so many of us are.

SPEAKER_03

Never done that in my life.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, what me? And she's filling her life with people and things that she loves, and she's pondering these heavy questions, and she's turning inward to look for the answers, and she's just making really cool art about it. How old is she? She's our age. Really? Yeah, she's like 31. No, she's like 300 years old.

SPEAKER_03

Like even the sound of her voice, I was like, Oh my god. I know, right? You know? She just there's too much wisdom.

SPEAKER_02

I was just gonna say there's so much wisdom just packed in God. Yeah. And by the way, the song that Blue is obsessed with, didn't even play it for you. It's called Gemini. And she wrote it over the course of 10 years, and it was like this version of her writing this part. And then it's fucking crazy. Yeah. I'm not even gonna get into that one. But it's I think it's a really cool metaphor for how she approaches like her music. It's like the song is this living, breathing, ever-evolving thing for her. You know, she's she slows down and turns inward and humbles herself by knowing that she's never done growing. So for the main event, I'd like to play you one of her songs called Seed of a Seed, which is the title of her album.

SPEAKER_01

I've been like avoiding re-listening to it. Because like every time I sit there and I really, really just like let the feelings wash over me, it is overwhelming.

SPEAKER_02

I love that this song is as short and simple as her message. And she just says what needs to be said and nothing more. But it's a short song, so I'll just read through the lyrics, uh, or at least some of them. If we don't know better, well, did my parents know better? No, but they tried. Because we all need a sense of lore sometimes. Like I need a silent mind in a consumer flood. And if I'm lucky, maybe a glass of wine. And if I'm lucky, maybe a hand next to mine. If I get lucky, maybe a simple life. If I get lucky, maybe some free time. No, if we don't know better if we don't know better. Well, did my parents' parents know better better? No, but they tried. Um okay. So on this pod, we reflect a lot on how little we really need in this life. And I think that's why when she says, if I'm lucky, maybe a glass of wine. If I'm lucky, maybe a hand next to mine. I think that's why it kind of completely fucks me up when she says those lines. As rational creatures, we tend to overcomplicate everything, and we box ourselves in with these rules and ideas of how things need to be. And sometimes we almost become the source of our own misery when we do that. But what if love is really just that? It's just love. And what if what if it doesn't have to be more complicated than that? Things get messy and life gets messy, the world fucking goes to shit. And when that happens, sometimes all we can do is just slow down and soak in that love that surrounds us. I think another thing that just really struck me about this was our ideas of happiness and what a happy life looks like actually revolve so much around these really conventional ideas of success and what people have told us we need to be happy. But through each one of our revolutions we start to undo that thinking and we start to figure out that a life where we slow down and just exist isn't boring. It's lucky.

SPEAKER_01

I don't even like wine. But when she says like a glass of wine, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

It all of this made me think of a book that I had been reading in tandem with writing this story. It's called The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mickey Brammer. Have you heard of this? Mm-hmm. So it's about this death doula named Clover, and she realizes that as comfortable as she is with death and all things related to death, she doesn't actually know how to live her own life. And so the whole book is just her trying to understand like what it what a life without regrets really looks like. And there's a quote in this book that says, The secret to a beautiful death is a beautiful life. I hope we all have the pleasure of finding out what a beautiful life means for us in this lifetime so we can exist in that bliss as it's happening. Because it's usually a lot simpler than we think. Maybe our parents and our parents' parents didn't quite get it right, but they tried, and all we can do is try to so thank you Hailey Hendricks for pushing us to dream maybe not bigger and grander, but maybe actually slower and quieter and with a whole lot more love.

SPEAKER_03

I also really like and if I'm lucky, maybe a glass of wine, and if I'm lucky, maybe a hand next to mine, because who do we know that doesn't have those things? Like we all have these small, gorgeous treasures in our life, and the song is saying, like, that's kind of all you need.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I love that she doesn't even she doesn't try. You know how we fucking love to talk and just keep talking. Like if I wrote this song, it would have been like, I love when we are next to each other, you know, like context.

SPEAKER_01

Here's what this line means.

SPEAKER_02

But yeah, it I think the the simplicity of the sound and lyrics, it says so much more than a long-winded essay about love.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I feel like that is something that I'm really trying to adopt myself, this idea of how fulfilling a slow life is. Or I am on my couch with like a very warm blanket and a cup of tea, and I'm reading a really good book, and I just feel at peace. Like, my god, those moments are so gorgeous, and I'm so lucky.

SPEAKER_02

No one dies wishing they sped through those moments. And wishing they did more of like the big crazy flashy things. It's it's those are the little moments. And I think if we can just witness it in real time, what a gift that is. That's all I got. Sick.

SPEAKER_03

Love. It was love related. Yeah. There was like love in there.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. What was the last paragraph? Well, did my parents' parents know better better? No, but they tried. Which I could fucking get into too. But we're not going there today. We're not. Listen to our last episode.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Jesus.

SPEAKER_03

Actually, yeah. But and I mean this in no offense. I'm sure Sauna's gonna be like, you didn't know better. You know? I want that. I would hope that she is better. Right. Yeah. It's an ever-evolving journey.

SPEAKER_02

This fucking song, I swear to God, like we could really get into it. But she wrote it short for a reason.

SPEAKER_01

And here we are. Dude, oh.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Hail's, Hailey, my Valentine this year.

Nins: Dramione fanfic

SPEAKER_03

What do you got for me? Okay. Kind of a big pivot. Love is in there, don't worry. Okay. Um also a little bit longer, so apologies, but not really. Enjoy. If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have done it. Okay. So as we know, Valentine's Day this week. I thought, what better way to celebrate than by talking about two soulmates falling in love? Pretty straightforward. We're not overthinking this either. We are not. So, as you may have gathered from past episodes, I am a very avid reader.

SPEAKER_02

You are?

SPEAKER_03

Book girly. You can read. Add me on Goodreads. I did I learned how to read last summer. And I just I haven't stopped. Yeah. You know, so it makes sense. Right. So, Goodreads, book talk, all of that shit. That is, it's my brand. Well, about a year and a half ago, my life changed dramatically. Because I ended up going down this pipeline that so many other book earlies have gone on before me. And I started reading Germani fan fiction.

SPEAKER_04

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. Go on. So today I'm going to be talking about one of those fanfics. A story that is quite literally like. I don't give a fuck if this is a hyperbole. The best fucking thing I've ever read in my fucking life. It is though. No, it is the best. It's actually jet. No, it is though. I'm not even being sarcastic. That's what I'm saying. It's not a hyperbole. This is genuinely the best fucking thing I've ever fucking read in my life. Masterful. Okay. So what the fuck are we talking about? Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by Is The Self-Care, otherwise known as Brigitte Knightley. Is that how you say her name? I don't know. She sounds French, so I'm saying Brigitte. I don't know. Is it Brigitte? I don't know. I assumed it was Brigitte. I'm gonna go French.

SPEAKER_02

But the lack of the D in her name is Brigitte. Off putting, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Brigitte. We just lost all of France. They were like, oh shit. Next. Okay. Okay. A lot of context before we dive in. Buckle up. Enjoy this ride. So for the less cultured, let's just take it very high level here and start off with an easy definition. What is fan fiction? Yeah. What is fanfiction? What is fanfiction? I did not dabble into this world until, again, a year and a half ago. Wait, really? No fucking clue what it was. No, I didn't. I didn't. Ah, okay, okay. That was too cool. No, I'm just kidding. This shit is fucking amazing. I was ignorant. Okay. So fan fiction is a genre of stories written by fans of a pre-existing fictional universe. So like think of like Star Wars or Hunger Games. And these authors use existing characters, settings, and pick and choose storylines from the original work and just create entirely new stories. And they do this for fucking free. They're doing God's work. They are doing God's work. Since the original work is copyrighted, obviously, these fanfic authors can't make any profit off of their writing. They are literally just doing this out of the love for this fictional universe and for their passion for storytelling. Crazy. And like a gift to this world. And even though these stories are not traditionally published, and they don't have an agent, and they don't have editors, and they don't have these huge groups of people working to perfect these stories. Some of the best fucking literary pieces I've ever read. Like it's insane. And I think it probably has to do with like they just have the liberty to create whatever they want. They're not confined to page limitations or like what sells the most. They can just tell whatever story they want, and it's chef's kiss. Okay. We've gotten fan fiction out of the way. So what the fuck is Germine? My sweet summer children. I don't know what Germani is. Dramini is a category of fanfiction written within the Harry Potter universe that focuses on the romantic relationship between Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger. Dramini. What do you mean? She ends up with Ron. Yeah, it's fan fiction. Okay. Fuck Ron.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry.

SPEAKER_03

He's just so dumb. He's so dumb. Like if you think about it a little bit more, Hermione and Ron don't make any sense. They don't. She's way too smart for him. He's way too selfish and stupid. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Ron, you're catching a lot of strays right now. Travesty. Okay. Gonna be very brief on providing background for Germine before we jump into the fanfic itself. And honestly, I don't even want to spend too much time on the original series because to be honest, if you've never read the original books or watched the movies, you can still dive into this fic and have the best time of your fucking life. That's true. All you really need to know is that Hermione and Draco were classmates and rivals at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Hermione is Harry Potter's best friend. She's a muggle-born, meaning that she was born to a non-magical family and just like happened to be a witch. And she is the smartest fucking bitch in the entire world and has spent her entire life fighting for good, the good side. Draco Malfoy is a little shit. He was this douchebag bully in school, and he comes from wealth and privilege and is also known as a pureblood, which basically means that his entire family lineage descends from this ancient magical ancestry. So he's raised to think that he's better than everyone, especially Muggles. And his family sucks, and they force him as a child to support an evil, power-hungry dictator. But whatever. So yeah, two very opposite characters fighting on two sides of a war. But even with all these differences, again, it just makes sense that these two would attract one another. I mean, you just you have this whip, smart, beautiful, brainy girl, and you have this morally gray, mysterious, wealthy boy who have so much to learn from one another. And it's just, it's the most perfect setup for a slow burn enemies to lovers romance. It's perfect. It's perfect. It's perfect. They're meant to be. Okay. So Draco Malfoy and the mortifying ordeal of being in love. The moment that you start diving into Germani fanfiction, this will be one of the most recommended stories to you. It is God tier in fanfiction universe. And I've never heard a single negative thing about it. It's just perfection. So this fic is set 14 years after the war, after the original Harry Potter series ends. Life is peaceful, people have moved on. The tensions between purebloods and muggles and the muggle borns are long forgotten. And this fic is told through Draco's perspective. And in it, he's in his 30s. He's since outgrown his conservative upbringing and has fully assimilated back into society as an upstanding citizen. He's still terribly wealthy. And just to make the story even better, he's obviously handsome as fuck. Ripped, chiseled jaw, piercing silver eyes, you know, just the fan art on this. He works as an aura, which basically means he fights against dark magic and dark wizards for a living. He's a good guy now. But one thing that this author, Brigitte, does so well is capturing Draco's voice, which is pompous and aristocratic and arrogant. But you, as the reader, don't mind because he's also so witty and competent and smart and basically the perfect man because he's ridden by a woman. So Hermione, on the other hand, is working as both a healer in the wizarding world and a doctor in a muggle world. She is an absolute genius and this busy body and the definition of doing too much. Too much is on her plate. She works in the hospitals in both worlds. She runs this research laboratory in Cambridge. She's incredible. And these two characters are forced to work together when it comes to light that Hermione is on the brink of this major discovery. And she's doing a bunch of research and she's about to have this huge breakthrough that will quite literally change the world, but it will anger some people and could potentially put her in danger. So the Ministry of Magic is like, no, no, no, no, no. You must be protected at all costs while you finish your research. We need to provide you aura protection. And who is said bodyguard assigned to her case? Who? Pray tell. The love of my life, Mr. Draco Malfoy. So again, perfect enemies to lovers story. The two of them have an immediate dislike for one another when they start having to work together.

SPEAKER_01

It's so good.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. There's just too much history there. It's awkward. It's petty. And the banter is just. I just need a sigh and immerse myself back into the memory of the banter. But they really have no choice but to deal with this arrangement. Forced proximity, you know. Darn. A bunch of antics. There is an actual really smartly laid plot to this fanfic. It's so smartly done and it's so fun to read. Incredible. It's it's in it's fucking incredible. God. So in order to help with Hermione's research for whatever project she's working on, they have to travel all around Europe and go on these crazy adventures, quarreling with one another the entire time. And it gen it genuinely made me laugh out loud multiple times, which I have to say, as someone as snobby as me, that's a big fucking deal. I don't laugh very often. Same. So just as an example of one small part that made me laugh my fucking ass off. There is a small plot where, in order for Draco to keep tabs on Hermione, he enchants this pair of rings. It's like this family heirloom that he owns, and these two rings, their wedding rings, are kind of like bonded to one another. So he asks her to put it on so that he can like detect how she's feeling. Like if she's in danger, she can spin the ring three times and he'll automatically like aberrate to where she is. So she hates wearing it, obviously. She's like, well, I don't want to wear this, right? So there's one point where they get into a fight, she takes off the ring, and then she sneaks away on this trip, one of the trips that she needs to go on for her research. And she goes to this like gorgeous hillside somewhere historic in like the English countryside. So Draco basically hunts her down, finds her at this fucking garden, essentially. And he's like, put the damn ring back on, Granger. And she's like, No, I don't want to, you know, coral coral. Banter, banter. Banter, banter, banter. So finally she gives in. He fucking grabs her hand. He puts the ring back on. Oh, came a voice. Some muggle walkers had just popped around the side of the hill. Cries of delight followed. An engagement! And what a lovely couple. And congratulations! And what a beautiful spot for it. It's just so funny. It's so funny. Okay. So obviously, as the two are forced to spend more and more time together, Draco is so annoyed of her that he can't stop thinking about her. And all of a sudden, he's like flirting with these girls, and he's like, they're not as bright as her. And like, hmm. So obviously, what starts off as, you know, the strictly platonic professional relationship slowly morphs into a respected friendship kind of. And then perhaps something more. So there are two scenes that I want to talk about.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

The first one is from chapter 13, Solstice. And in this scene, Hermione and Draco have traveled to this small seaside town in France because they need to steal this artifact for Hermione's research. Antics. Great antics, though. Fucking incredible. The best antics. But the night before, so they arrive in this town and they have dinner at this restaurant. And the dinner ends up being an accidental date almost. It's just the two of them. So they check in at this restaurant, again, in the small seaside town in France. Quote. As it turned out, the half-deaf old lady who had taken their reservation had creatively interpreted their names. The slate placard indicated that the table was reserved for hormone and crotch. It's so stupid. Not necessary to this story at all. I just had to put that in there. It was fucking hilarious. No, when I read that scene, I was actually I was laughing so hard. It's so funny. Again, that was not needed for my story. I just had to put that in there. Okay. So anyway, Hermione and Draco have this romantic seaside dinner along this wharf. Food is delicious, conversation is endless, bantering is a given. And as Draco is enjoying himself, he suddenly grows quiet and confused because he realizes that he doesn't want to be anywhere else with anyone else. And he can't stop his brain from thinking about how beautiful Hermione looks in this light and how smart and witty and good this witch is. And he's just like, what the fuck is going on? Like, I I can't be feeling this way. This is Hermione Granger. But but that's the thing with attraction. It is truly beyond our control. We cannot help who we have feelings for as much as we try to control it. So after dinner, they walk to the beach during sunset. So Hermione can see this landmark, and the entire time that they're on this walk, Hermione's just yapping, right? She's talking about this fact and this historical anecdote that doesn't shut the fuck up. But Draco just lets her. One, because he's still coming to grips over this realization. And two, because that's just so her to ramble on. And when you realize that you're starting to love someone, you embrace all of these quirky parts about them. You treasure every second of it. They meandered into a flock of hundreds of seabirds which took off around them and unraveled into the skies in a whirr of wing beats and sea cries. It was a startling moment of sublimity that took a bit of their souls with it. Granger watched the birds' disappearance into the blue with a soft sigh, her fingertips on her collarbone, her lips parted. Granger said beautiful. And Draco said Yes. But they were not talking about the same thing. So this whole time I've been talking about how these two characters are so different and so at odds with one another. It doesn't make sense that they would work. It's too complicated. There's too much baggage. There would be too much judgment. But again, your heart doesn't care about logic. It doesn't care about what's easy or what's socially acceptable. It just picks who it picks, and you and your stupid brain have no choice but to bear it. And in this moment, Draco is just so overcome with this realization that his heart is picking her. And I think that's the heartbreaking part about love and attraction. Sometimes we fall for people that our brains scream at us not to. There is such a fear of getting hurt, of things not working out, of feelings not being reciprocated. And so you just silently struggle as your heart yearns for what your brain won't let you have. That is the dichotomy of catching feelings. How it can feel so good, but hurt so bad. So the last scene I want to go over is from chapter called Draco Malfoy Notorious Horror. And in this chapter, everyone's worst fears have come true. And a group of bad people attempt to attack Hermione while she's in her lab. Plot plot plot. Draco saves the day. Hermione is safe. But after the whole episode, Hermione is still reeling from what just happened. So Draco brings her back to her house. It's just the two of them. And Draco is trying to calm her down because she's really shaken up and she's she's like basically going into shock. And she's like, Oh my god, that was so close. Like, I tried calling you on the ring. I didn't know if you would come in time. They were like banging on the door. I didn't know if I was gonna be killed or hurt or what you know, just yapping. Whatever. Like she almost died, but like, relax. Okay. So they're in her kitchen drinking this calming potion, and Draco tries to reassure her. And he's like, Listen, we caught the bad guys. The ward's held up. Your lab is safe. No one got hurt. And then he goes, and I need you to know something else. Yes. I will always come to you when you turn that ring. And this is this is too much for her. It's too much for me. Okay. Hermione fucking loses it, bursts into tears, and melts into his arms and embraces him. Oh, he'd wanted this. A distant part of his brain said, fucking finally. Uh honestly, I'm just gonna read. I'm just gonna fucking read this. Okay, so they're hugging, right? It was pleasure and it was misery holding Granger in that embrace. It broke through whatever fortifications he'd created in the last month with a crystalline shatter. It made him want to say things, blurt out things, tell her that he'd missed her, and that he'd wanted to to be with her more, whatever that meant. That he was quashing things because he wanted no part of those things, but they existed still, a teeming, roiling, unspeakable mess, that these things tormented him in the small hours of the night when the world was quiet and he was alone with his thoughts, that he would voice none of it because he was too afraid of risking the thing that they had right now, this dance at the tip of a fulcrum, this equilibrium. He couldn't tell her this was not the time, and besides, he wouldn't risk it. It would change things, and he loved whatever this was right now more than he hated the feeling that it wasn't enough. Pleasure and misery, pleasure and misery. Granger's breathing slowed, but the tension in her dissipated. She sighed against him, and her arms loosened from around his ribs, and her hands were tucked into his chest. And he suffered and he wanted to fly. Even when a relationship is easy, the love is still overwhelming. So just imagine how much more agonizing it feels when we love someone we think we can't have, that we convince ourselves that we can't have. We're so afraid to get hurt, for our hearts to shatter, to fall. And yet, as hard as it is, I don't know that any of us would rather not feel it at all. Love is so many things, but under our control is not one of them. We can't help who we fall in love with, but if and when they love us back. Oh my god. How high do we fly? What were the words again?

SPEAKER_02

To make me. Start from the beginning.

SPEAKER_03

Pleasure and misery. Pleasure and misery. So good.

SPEAKER_02

You know, if any of you listening started this out being like fanfiction, loser, I hope to God this changes your mind because this is truly one of the best literary pieces I have ever read.

SPEAKER_03

Like maybe the best. Maybe the best. I know we are very dramatic on this time. I'm not being dramatic right now. No.

SPEAKER_02

I don't I also just say that because obviously this goes without saying, we all hate J.K. Rowling. Oh, so I don't know who that is. Yeah, no, exactly. But that's what I love about fanfiction. The chance to reclaim these characters and these storylines. That once she writes it and it's out in the world, they're no longer hers, right? I mean it's us to play with and enjoy and love. That's why I love fanfiction because of that creative liberty to do that and like be like, fuck you in the meantime.

SPEAKER_03

Let's write something better. Right. Let's expand on what was given to us and improve what we've all looked back on and said, mm-hmm that's not that great.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

It's ours now. Yes. Yeah. And she hates fanfiction. Yeah. Fuck you, JK Rowling. This though, Brigitte. Brigitte? Brigitte. Brigitte. My God. And listen, you're gonna fucking read this fanfiction and you're gonna be like, my life has changed. Yada yada yada. Tale as old as time, okay? You're like, I need more. I need more. Turns out. Brigitte Knightley did get picked up from a traditional publishing house because of how fucking incredible this fanfiction is. And she is actually coming up with a book this year in 2025. Um, so look out for it. It's called The Irresistible Urge to Fall for Your Enemy. Very similar vibes to this one. I literally cannot fucking wait. I'm so excited. And it'll basically be somewhat of a retelling of this story. You could tell this to me a hundred different ways. Oh my god. I I will eat it up. It's just so beautifully written. Beautiful, funny, engaging, adventurous. The best rom com I've ever read in my life. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. So yeah. Two soulmates. They belong together. I don't know who Ron is. Why do you keep saying his name?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Who is that?

SPEAKER_02

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

There's only one man in my heart.

SPEAKER_02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03

Loose, like, who?

SPEAKER_02

I feel like I've lived so much of my life in my head and not as much in my body. And it's only in these past few years that I've tried to be more in tune with how I'm feeling physically when an emotion washes over me. Okay. And that feeling of falling in love, it really is agonizing. That feeling of your heart being squeezed, there is a fine line between the pain and the pleasure of it.

SPEAKER_00

It sometimes feels the same. It feels the same. And she captured that so beautifully. Yeah. He suffered and he wanted to fly.

SPEAKER_03

Like, appreciate fuck you, dude. Why would you write it? Go to hell. Why would you write that? So, um, I know fanfiction is kind of wild, wild west. We will put a link to this specific story in our show notes, and you'll have access to it because it's free. Please download it. Please read it, and you will see why these two characters have literally taken up so much of my fucking brain. I just think about them constantly. It is magical in so many ways. I love them. They are also my Valentine's.

Outro

SPEAKER_02

Well, thank you everyone for tuning in to our Valentine's Day special. We always talk about love, so was it really that different? Maybe not, but it came out the week of Valentine's Day. So it was a Valentine's Day episode. Um thank you all for listening. Please rate, review, subscribe. We are at BeerB Crying.podcast on all socials. Our website is beerbcryingpodcast.com. You can submit a form there and tell us why you cried, send a little sob story, or give us some cry material. And also sign up for our newsletter.

SPEAKER_03

Wear a hoot on there too. We're just great all around. You don't want to miss us anywhere. So but yeah, thank you for tuning in. We hope that you enjoyed. We hope that as shitty as things could be, that here on this couch with us, you have a little fun, you have a little laugh, you have a little cry, and you have fun. We're tired, we're tired. That's it, that's it. So we're gonna go and rest, rest our little heads, rest our little hearts, and we'll come back next week. We will ready to do it all over again. Yeah, the same stories, the same thing. But until then, be or be crying.